Saturday, March 20, 2010

Rest In Peace Sylvanus

My initial plan ws 2do the th first diaries this cnt rait now.

This week a friend of mine is gonna be laid to rest. I got the news wen he died but i ges reality clocked in jana. As tears sting my eyes knowin i aint ever gon c him again i cnt help but wonder, do i have the right to mourn him? Do i have the right to shed a tear for him? Knowing very well i only made contact once since we left seminary? Do i have a right really knowin i ignored him on my friend list as i met new people? He updated several times, but did even comment even once to tell him “dude i’m here, how u doin?” I never had anyone on my friend list die, so its a new experience for me. All msgs will forever go unanswered. It’s useless contacting him now . Next question, take him from my friend list or not. If i let him stay on, each time i’m going thru it i’ll remember what i never did...yet it will remind me of him.
Memories flood but i knw th memories we shared r shared no more.

I just realized making new friends don’t mean i get rid of the old ones. the times we shared, how we helped each other get through the bullying and crap we found ourselves in fresh out of class8 and into a world of bad ass bullies. But we survived cz we had each other. Old friends make the foundation for new friends. They know the person i used to be then awkward around girls and confused and unsure. Without them i wouldn’t knw who i was and i sure as hell cnt determine who i will be.

I guess we’ll all have to live with the guilt of what we didn’t do. We’ve lost three bros many more before we realize we actually share something? Life draws us in different directions; does it have to do the same with friendship?

Right now i don’t even wana see his body cz the guilt would be too much knowing the only time I ever made the effort to see him he was going into a 6x4 hole...knowing that instance would cloud the four years we shared in the same house.

Is this how we are goin to go through life, paper chasin, forgetting the people who helped us get there? Time and time again we are told to tell the people around us we care about that we care, but ego lets us down. I want you to remember me for who i am not who you knew then, i want whatever memory i have of you to be of now. Ya’al are my friends, i don’t care where or when i met you all i care is i got to know you....u will notice by now i’m losing all flow, cz i’m swithchin windows, the other window i’m checkin his wall lukin at his last post, last update...then i realize life aint fair.He was too young...all this life ahead... Cnt do this, i ges u got my point already...i cnt find any more words to express this...

Death, the ultimate equalizer, regardless, do we have to let it win?

Here’s a link to his profile, hope it's accesible.... Silve Thuku

Rest in peace bro....u r in a better place now

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