Saturday, March 20, 2010

The path

I have walked th path of righteousness
I tread th path of evil
I had a spark once, grew into a blazing fire
Before th cold hail n storm of betrayal doused it
Now i wander through th valley of th shadow of death
I don need salvation, i dont want a guide
The light blinds n confuses me
Th darkness, oh th darkness
Snuggles me in th cool embrace of its naked bossom
Calling out to me, singing 2my soul
I want you, nobody can hurt u now
U r in control now
Darkness, her soft breath on my cheek
Her kiss against my cold lips
A stirring inside of undefined proportions
Her nails digging into my neck, her teeth my shoulders, drawing blood
An inferno, everything tinted in crimson
A desire 2satisfy n worship her


Ges this note is kinda a landmark cz its th first i'm nt typin on my 5200...gona mis it..*sob sob!*...
I dunno if i got any words left in me. Ya i havent given myself th time to mope n brood...just stuck on that precipice nt knowing if i can keep myself frm going down.
How dyu handle hurt inflicted by th one person who had th ability to? Ignore them? Guilt em? Hate em? Tell em 2go fuck themselves? Screw up their lives?
I ges i'm beyond tantrums. Maybe its realizing more self control. Maybe its coz i realized i'm too young 2 go thru some shit n let it destroy me. Its a big world, its got an immense number oysters just waitin 2b pryed open, neva knowin wen u r gonna hit th mother pearl which is gonna make it all make sense. Th centerpiece that makes all th other pearls blush with its size, beauty n pricelessness.
At this point, debating whether 2continue wit th metaphors....
Anyhoo... Sometimes we get ourselves into th mud n dirt just 2ride th momentum. It doesnt matter whether u went in for fun or out of curiosity. After all th tussle it don mean jack why u went in. Just dont expect 2come out wit clean cuffs. Sometimes in life as is u gotta shake th hand that feeds u!
Mayb after all this, it will b possible 2shrug off all th dust n go back 2what it was...alot can happen wen we defy logic n break boundaries...

this note is way shorter(n nt that interestin) cz i'm a person under i havent swam in weeks! My aphrodisiac!
~N thus ends th first task i'v given this sweet 5310...nt bad eh?~

Monkey on my back - sequel

Its this monkey on my back
Came back 2haunt me
Why cant i get rid of u?

Its this monkey on my back
Reaching into my mind
Corrupting my mind
That safe i hold so dear

Its this monkey on my back
Suckin at my soul
Leaving me lifeless and empty
A shell of pity and self loathing

Its this monkey on my back
Snatching my smile, killing my laughter
Echoin hollowly, my new façade

This monkey on my back
Eating me, killing me
Degrading my essence, fornicating my sanctity

This monkey
Has me on my knees
Soaked in my filth, blood, sweat n tears
Yet its not enough is it?
Engorging on my pain n anguish
Are u sated? Will u ever be satisfied?

I let u in, u betrayed me, used me
Desecrated my body mind n soul
Defenetrated in my own house
Leaving me nothing!
I will take u out
This monkey on my back!

Garbage in, garbage out

Its amazing how sbody can control ua life weeks, months, even yrs after u called it quits. Whats even more messed up is that they r of no consequence n rily don mean jack 2 u anymore. Its worse when a simple fling that rily wsnt sposd 2mean anything influences all future possibilities of gettin in2 a decent rlship.
I'v tried 2 absolve myself of any of th shit that went down bt i ges i'm doin poorly at convincing myself. Ignored warnings by stubborness is one of my curses. Plus sh ws hot(at th time, nw sh's jst beatdown n desperate).
Ok, here's th deal, its ok 2play mind games. Hell, i do it all th time. Askin for favors is also ok, i'l do whatever is within my capability 2fulfil. Tryn 2mk me feel jelous, also ok bt within certain boundaries. Manipulation, if u cn manage it on me, wud actually awe me.
Here's th no no...never ever ever everr lie 2 a guy dat u r pregnant, 2mk him commit or "bond" wit u. First its tacky, n its stupid, naïve, retarded n other colorful words censored. U c 4some of us we tk th news calmly n coz our religion forbids abortion, in our minds we r lukn 4other amiable solutions dat will b of benefit 2u me n th new one.
When u reveal u wa actually lyin 2test me n c ow i'd react th following happens:
I dont gv a shit dat i passed
It's over!
I hate n loathe u
I hope 4ua sake thea aint no photos of u in my camera
All instances of ua name in my head get replaced wit "bitch" or any of a random array of names denoting one who is paid for coitus.
Btw almost all guys react th same way to that. It affects all future rlshps cz its usually hard keepin frm brandin all chix in one pot. Only redeeming factor wud b past rlshps ended well or havin knwn u 4a considerable time. Anyhoo, been almost a yr nw...n hate has turnd 2pity 4a poor bitch who stoopd rily low. Mayb now i'l b able 2move on nt fearing sbody will try 2pull a stupid stunt of similar gravity....closure at last!
Contrary 2popular belief, i dnt hv her nude fotos n i dont tk nude fotos of anybody includin me. I knw ow digital devices work n how recovery of deleted data is done. Siwezi risk!
Nwy th fotos i found in th mem card...gone! N even if i had them i wouldnt knw ow 2distribute cz people wud knw th source. Plus websites hv a feature called Who's Who which identifies th registered domain owner, incase u wana sue sbody....unless ua server is located in sweden! Bet ya'al didnt knw that!
Bottom line, i'm nt affiliated to Caroline njoki in any way. I first saw dat profile juzi via a frnd. Simjui n i aint gon answer dat qn again, k? Ya'al knw me better than that! Case closed.
I knw some people get all jittery, holier than thou or uncomfy wen porn is b4 u write off porn, check out Shai Clothing ads th girl-on-girl sequence. Mind blowing!
B4 u judge me, i only watch cz of th storyline...nothing else...*ahem!*

Paper paper, who's got th paper

Now 4my awesome original biz idea!
I'm going into th condom manufacturing bizniz. My biz partners will b th G-10 bitches! Dont worry, i got it all planned out! Th brand-name, advertising, legal issues, market target group, bizniz plan n ethical issues!
First dealing wit d smarty pants who think they cn punch holes in my ideas. Real simple actually, kitambo my biz kicks up n meks enaf paper 2hire a hitman or cut brake lines, i'l settle wit stickn fingers snugly in2 my ears n mumbling rily loudly...foolproof!
Now 4my biz G-10. I realized partnering wit em is rily strategical. Consider my angle, when they bring about a boycot wk, frm my observation people rily gt laid. N 2prevent a baby boom wot do they use? Yep, my product!.....hmm... note 2self, get morning after pills into my franchise also...
Heres why, when Kenyans r told nt 2fuck, they prove defiant n screw mo than ever in larger numbers. I even got th chillin ones in2 th equation. Cz wen u refuse 2drop em pants 4ua horny partner, they luk 4it elsewhea bt in order 2b careful wot do they use? U got it again. (hmmm...note 2self...get in2 talks wit jimmy gathu...reverse th mpango wa kando ads)
Anyhoo, th condom biz got ethical issues, bt i got an idea dat wud kill not 1, not 2 but 3 birds wit one stone!!! In treacle aint it? Yaani branding, ethical issues n advertising all rolled up into 1! Now get ready 4this.......r u wit me....simplicity n brand will b called...*drumrolls...held breath*......ABSTINENCE condoms!!
Yeah yeah, oxymoron some will think...i say...go fuck uaselves!
So how will it tk care of ethical issues n advertising? Dats a no brainer actually... Thea will obviously b an uproar when a new condom brand is introducd in2 th market. The churches will b up in arms esp th catholic church. They will say we r advocating 4 irresponsible sexual acts blah blah blah... n actually state that the only way they approve of as th best way 2reduce stds n teen pregnancy is what? ABSTINENCE! Cha ching!!! Free media coverage, free advertising, free endorsement! Money in th bank! We cud even put a disclaimer at th bottom of th box "recommended by th catholic church" n nobody cud sue me! I'd jst bring a newspaper as evidence....
Also wen th catholic church realizes they r losin d abstaining war, they cud avoid th embarrasin whiplash by claimin they were actually referin 2 my condoms!
time 2bow down 2my genius! Told ya 3birds, one stoone!
Oops...sori 4my insensitivity, incase u a guy swhea n by a stroke of bad luck lost a testicle...note i said stone not ball! U must b nuts...sori... u must b nut 2 xpect an apology!
Oh, n also if u catholic n got offended by wot i'v said.....go fuck uaself!(use my brand condoms....). N if u actually report me 2my parish priest n i get th disclaimer!
Hmmm...note 2self, in order 2 target th 9yr-18yr olds, start a line of small size condoms under th followin brand names, CHILL, NIMECHILL, TUTACHILL...On th packaging use an image of a fist wit two fingers use of alot of yellow n orange on th packaging...advertising is already taken care of, by media, newspapers n popular tv programs lk Churchill live....

Disclaimer: steal my ideas n so help me, i'l hunt u down lk th little piece of shit u r, n i'l torture u....n u'll b so busy screaming u wont notice i killed u already!
theas a small part of th biz plan i had 2leave out cz it ws mean n rily rily workable...i'd tell u, bt then i'd b forcd 2 implement th disclaimer...

Random intermissions: Church

Wea 2start, wea 2start....oh, yeah... I finally managed 2go 2 church 2times this/last month! Gud tidings i say. Bt i ges it wud hv meant sth if i actually listened 2 th priest. i ges i'm lk d worst catholic ever...why?
Last time in confession 2003
Last time i actually genuflected, 2003
Last time as an altar boy 1999 wen i ws jst a kid he he...n no, neva sat on a priest's lap!
Last time i read th scripture in church, 2003
Last time i took communion, Jan 2004
Most last things i actually did r in 2003 cz dats wen i left seminary. Mayb a rational explanation is that i believe i accumulated enaf prayer pts 2 last me a couple of years.

Anyhoo sunday i went 2church n as th priest ws blabberin incoherent words i scanned th crowd 4familiar faces. None. Thing bout our church is dat most people knw me bt siwamesei poa. Mostly cz of family n wen we moved hia i kinda kickd ass educationally. Th priests knw me cz of th seminary connection...n th fact dat one requirement 2stay in seminary ws u had 2do volunteer work @ th church, which i adamantly refused 2do, cz of 2reasons:
1. I didnt gv a shit...esp cz d stupid priest wntd me 2work on his garden! Wots th deal wit white guys n gardening?
2. U cnt refer 2 it as volunteering if i don hv a say in th matter...didnt knw ow 2put th dictionary thru their thick skulls!

Long story short i refused 2 volunteer. So th Father tried 2 gt me kickd out of a couple of factors saved my ass:
1. After th volunteer work thea ws a form they wrote comments on behaviour, character n bull lk dat. Thing is we delivered them in person. Here's a trick most of ya'al don knw, if u hold a sealed envelope over alot of steam, it peels open as if it ws neva sealed, so u cn do whatever u want wit th contents, edit, white wash, throw away,rewrite a gud th bad rap neva fikad. Am i gud or what?

Th priest also used normal snail mail 2 send th bad my grades came in. U just don kick out sbody wit an IQ of 125+ cz of stupid reasons! Plus back then i lukd rily rily innocent, unlike now. Nobody wud hv suspected dat i dit anything bad, we got drunk, brewed, went a couple other nasty stuff. Did i mention porn? Kazi ya JJ...

Where was i? Train of thot rily got derailed. Nwy i don socialize so much at our church. I'm still catholic, bt th abstinence thing doesnt rily go down well. Plus i got my reservations wen it kams 2 abortion n other subjects, which might gt me excommunicated!
Again, so i scanned arnd 4familiar faces n wen dat failed 2return favourable results, i scanned booty or sth out 2catch a cold.
Th only favourable result ws this chix who seems 2b everywhere i go. Wen i chuck frm our gate, who do i bump into? Her!
I use a crazy combination of alleyways 2avoip peeps i don wana gas wit n who do i bump into?
I go 2church n who do i c first thing wen i enter? I've seen her more in 2days than....jijazie.
I knw sh cnt b stalkin cz i'm nt @home dat much, plus nobody knows my routine, hell, even i don knw my routine!
Nwy sh wnts us 2b an item or sth lk i got this rule regardin chix frm our fuckin way! n th double entrendre is intended!
It all started wen i ws 17...this chix ws always hitn on me beggin me 2go help her "put up posters" in her room(n girls say our lines r lame). Wen i chickend, sh got mo aggressive n action most of my frnds knw puts me in th fuck-off-b4-i-tear-u-a-new-one mode. So i tell her 2fuck off.
A month later, ges who turns out pregnant wit a poor sucker "baby daddy" at her arm! Th kid died a few yrs i didnt gv a shit. I don sympathise wit bitches, no matter th circumstance. S long as i avoided dat trap kul. Wen th incident repeated wit 2other random chix, it bcame a hell no. Kwanza th last one ws rily hot, bt my buddy cautioned me bout easy things!
Plus now gut instict is my bestest friend. If it tells me it cn handle 15shots of hard liquor, i gv it.
Poor bastards, i thnk nxt time i drnk i'l offer libation 2our horny fallen comrades. May Dna testing bcome unaffordable 2spare u th horrid truth. Amen!
Nwy this note has really lost me...cnt even remember wot i wntd 2write i got this poundin headache dat diorients me. Its lk wen i chew cz of drinkin, all i remember is th last thing i did b4 th drink kickd in...n th pukin after th liver cleans it out!
Soo, i ges thats that!
Oh, n ya, my notes gv u insight in2 one way of how i thnk bt unless u knw me, all u got is data not info.

Twisted love

Fate pushd us 2getha
2random particles in th cosmo
Coulda been anyone, bt it wsnt
It brought me u

Best friends, biggest lv
Lv u 4 who u r
Alwez thea 4me
Alwez thea 4me?

U took my hand, saved me frm th jagged rocks below
We took a stroll, hand in hand
4once th grass is greener, on our side
4once th hate aint flowin, spreadin venom n vengeance
All u my dear

Nurtured it, th next eutopia
Birds singin, golden sun in th horizon
Smilin at us, an image of perfection

Gravel slips arnd my feet,th ocean kisses th rocks below
when did we come back here, 2th edge?
I'm confused, y u doin this
Y u pushn me, at least tell me
so that if i'm wrong, i'll jump
Take a look at that sign post, "u r leavin eutopia, come again soon"
I may nt b all that, bt r u goin 2b hapi walkn it alone
Or wit another, memories hangin in ua concience
U can replace, neva replicate

I look deep in ua eyes, 4a sign, 4once i cnt read anything
Cnt hate u, neva will
Luk in my eyes, see it?
Always truthful, always lovin, neva irrational

Push me, i will jump
Mayb i cn dive, mayb i'l live
Bt wot if u change ua mind, wot if i'm too far 2hear?
Wot if i hear, bt th pain is too much
wot if i hear, bt th current is too strong
wot if i hear, bt she's pullin me wit a lifesaver, wen u pushd me?

Dearest u r 2my heart, I gave u it
i'v learnt 2crawl, i learnt 2 walk
I didnt want this one, bt i can walk away!

Farting Guide

The art of farting is practiced by many, perfected by few. Perfecting the art of farting is a somewhat long, difficult but rewarding road to travel down. It is the symphony of foods and body function that causes this reaction we all long to occur. This guide teaches you the methods and mind set used by some of the worlds leading fartology organizations.

1. Your mood will play a major role in farting. Having an "I can't do it!" frame of mind will not accomplish anything. When it comes down to those final moments when its release or hold time, you just have to repeat again and again, "Just let it happen... its ok..."

2. Diet is another heavy influencer. If you're a grazer (or vegetarian as they preferred to be called) you're partly on your way. If you're older and are using shit assistance substances such as fried beans, you too have a good start. The real winners are your average Kenyan men. Statistically Saturday is prime time nation wide for fart releases. Not only fart releases, but the cream of the crop, wake up the neighbours farts. Why is this? Have a look at the diet of a typical Kenyan male aged between 20 and 30 watching football on TV... Peanuts, chips, beer, can someone say, fart city? Its about evaluating your diet, removing the foods that don't assist farting, and focusing on the ones that do.

3. Important, yet largely unexplored scientifically is the fart event position and location. These two variables can make or break a fart taking it from a stellar world class event, down to an unmentionable discouragement. Try telling a world class pianist that they must perform standing, or telling a tuba player he must lay down during their performance. Farting is no different, it requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Location of the fart event sets the scene and adds emotions such as amusement (elevator farts), excitement (bus farts) and challenge (church farts). Lets travel forth and delve into the world of position and location...


Leg Lift "Elevator" Position
Standing upright with a slight curve to the back, lift either leg (almost like doing the jig, except with your leg off to the side - never to the front) and allow the fart event to occur. This one is by far the most popular. Ranked best position for elevator farts for its ability to expel farts quickly and accurately between floors. The signature of a leg lifter in an elevator is the smile of glee on their face as they exit, as you unknowingly enter.

Pros: Amusement of only being able to guess how many floors the unknowing new occupants must endure. High buildings that you will most likely not visit again are a bonus.

Cons: After a successful execution of the fart, you leave the elevator and the unknowing others enter, which is fine. However, you realize you are on the wrong floor and must re-enter the same elevator. Truly a bad call.


"Imperial" Throne Position
Just a reminder that your mind associates this position with a lack of bodily control. This one involves sitting, squatting or bending down into a huddled position. Some of the worlds most fermented and catastrophic farts were achieved using this very position. Think of it as a game of leap frog, but without the leaping (or at least voluntarily).

Pros: Incredible leverage, captures the true potential of the fart.

Cons: Similar to when taking a shit, which could confuse mind and cause "dyer" consequences. This one in the car in a new suit on route to a job interview is not recommended.


Naku-Matt Fart Position
There have been so many reports of this position and its success of creating "brown air" that have won it accolades world wide. Shop as you normally would at Naku-Matt. Locate a desired purchase (at least the weight of say, a clothes detergent box) at the bottom shelf in an unoccupied isle. As you are lifting the heavy load in a squatting position, let the magic happen. You will be pleasantly surprised. At first you may point out the similarities to the throne position, but you will be in awe by what the additional weight load achieves. Weight lifters doing squats after a heavy meal know how well weight can affect fartage potency and volume.

Pros: Due to the narrow, almost encapsulating design of the isles, farts can remain lingering for hours after initial production. Many more people can enjoy their shopping due to your efforts versus the leg lift position.

Cons: Eager and usually frantic discount shoppers change isles with a furor only matched by rush hour shoppers at a supermarket blow out sale. This can result in a by standard surprise attack and the very terrible mission abort consequence.


Power Arching
Lean your hands onto a counter top or table (or if available, hang onto your towel rack) while arching your back. If this is difficult for you to visualize, think back to your last visit to the mechanic's. Similar to the "ass pounding" position you take when getting the quote to have your car's axle replaced. Power arching is excellent for "customer service" counters at most stores, or safaricom offices; local computer stores when reaching over and examining an expensive and ridiculous keychain that has a flashlight, time telling in 12 languages, compass and calculator all in one; a supermarket you do not usually visit.

Pros: The arching of the back allows your power conduit to be fully utilized. Less conspicuous than the Throne Position.

Cons: A warning to people with small houses or apartments: power arching in the small confines of a room in your house has been known to cause carpet, wall and even ceiling damage. Even more so, lasting damage to newly blossoming relationships with girlfriends and not so blossoming marriages.

All positions and locations have their pros and cons, it is the duty of an aspiring fart master to leverage the situations and environments available to him or her. With a bit of thoughtful planning you can start off the day with some power arching in the library; do a bit of leg lifting at the food court for lunch; and wind up the day with an all out assault on your senses with a satisfying throne position fart in the car on the way home. Remember, its all about position, location and a "can-do" attitude!

eX marks the spot

What do i talk bout leo? except for the part dat i'm bored 2death...n feel lk blowin my brains all over the floor! When th fuck is that bitch gon recall we finish off wit th damned 8-freakin 4 4 system?

So i hate on sbody? nah the bitches i usually hate on hv tuliad hadi i'm wondering whats up? I finally made peace wit th biyatch we workd wit...worked out a nice compromise...i dont see her stupid mug for four wks n we get along nicely. Thanks 2her i aint vulnerable 2 hot chicks...2 yrs ago she'd ave md me sing! walala! Now even if sh did sth lk flashing dat suweet smile of hers n flashed me her boobs, the worst dat wud happen wud b mo friction 4my right hand!

Anyhoo, wit all this time n insomnia, i got th time to wonder bout serious things n philosophize a bit. Rait now i'm working on a theory that might change the way we think, sth that will mek Aristotle look lk a pussy. Its still in the early stages, so early i'm also tryin 2think wot it is. Problem is speed metal never really gives anyone thinking space. Th music is awesome n shit bt it rily takes a while 2 hear th words!

Wow! Misd ex! Nah nt th ex i hate sooo much. I hear that one alichapa mbaya, n reverted 2 her true shagmondo self! Which means she aint got enaf credo 2bother me. Yeeeah! A toast to karma! I knw i don believe in u bt stimes...jst stimes i see traces of ua bitchy self!
Wea ws i? Oh yeah, my swt ex....still claims 2lv me even after bein apart 4 lyk 2yrs...seriously, wot do ya'al c in me. I'm lk th most normal person on this earth, n its nt lk i got a halo arnd my head n some stubby wings stickin out my back. In fact i cn swear that durin one of th rare moments i stare @ th mirror i saw a glimpse of 2small horns on my forehead! Bt i ges twas nathn.
Damnit, got derailed again! Anyway, i ges i owe her alot considerin...blah blah blah. But she's special n i'd huk her 2one of my buddies if i didnt knw d fact dat she'd chew em n spit em lk yesterdays trash.I'm also sure she'd kill me if sh got wind of some of the skeletons in my closet. I jst wish thea ws a way of burning down th closet bila takin down the whole house. Mayb sth lk industrial acid n a big bathtub!
Anyway we usually plan lunch dates, which i neva honor, cz i knw its jus gon lead 2 bad news. By now i can count about 10 times i've stood her up startin wit new years, which is fucked up...n really, i reach into that little boy i knw still lives within th bottom of my heart looking for that sense of he tell me my guilt conscience quota hasnt been refilled yet. Talk of services made in kenya!
So now comes the big question! Accept n add her 2my friends list or not! Lemme ask that little boy again.....
Seriously, that kid got no kind of useful advice, ges i shud kick dat scrawny butt outta here...mayb he'd b mo useful helpin some stupid slumdog millionaire. Who will then get killed reaally early in the movie...muwahaha! Probably jumps into a pool of shit in the latrine n drowns! Muwahaha!

Anyway our history is we met wen i ws fresh out of seco wit all my innocence intact. The music ws playin slowly in the background then i saw her across the room. For a second my heart stopped. Then she turned...and our eyes locked for a brief instant. The music faded into the background...everyone faded into the background n it was just me n her....I walked over to her n took her hand...she breathed slowly, her cheeks flushed, all four of them! And then......

So that ws a paragraph dedicated to total bullshit! True story is thea ws a hot chick, a rich boyfie, two guys out for no good n 1 bet valid for 2wks. So its actually a tale of boys spot incredibly hot girl wit loaded bf. boy1 tells boy2 huwesmek. boy2 tks on challenge in form of bet. 2wks later incredibly hot girl likes boy2. 4mnths later sh lvs him. boy2 still receivin threatening fon calls frm bf, nw refered2 as x! So thats basically th gist of the story. So 4th einsteins who figure out the skeletons, this note wont b availlable for reference cz it wil b deleted as soon as girl joins frnd list of now-reformed-boy2.

Did i mention leo is a two for one special? Ya wit the first note u read thea ws a second one absolutely free....feel free to rot ua mind wit my crap! Now am sleepy....gnite world...its that ungodly hour again wea my notes kam to life!

The 3 Ghosts of Easter

So now i knw wot scrooge felt havin been visited by th 3xmas ghosts.
I spent most of my pre easter mekn fun of Jesus, with th stories of drinkin his blood n getn high alafu askin for "mo blood!"
Didnt stop thea nope, had 2do a "take this egg n this in memory of me" last supper joke. Problem ws i rily pushd it wit th king james n "Jihad for dummies" remix book, which talkd of Judas n th seven virgins...
I ges i kinda pisd off sbody cz i got visited, nah nt scrooge style but in a dream...wooooo! Dream kinda starts ok wit me n her. Lots of booze, free buffet wit lots of chicken. Ges i should noticd sth wasnt rite wen i got servd a small piece of meat suspended in water, ati soup! I'm assuming its an imagery of some sort, or suppresd memory.
Th real kick in th as shud a bin wen somehow i go frm club 2 class in a seamless transition dat ws 'normal'. But all my frnds were thea n thea ws gud ol girl on girl action, cz somehow thea ws a bed in class! N all 3of em wea all out getn down!
Lk all dreams go, instead of getn a seat, popcorn, n hopes f getn in on th action, i start mekn my way 2th back f th class n sit. Only 2luk out th window n i'm on a bus! The guy seated nxt 2me is this dude we usd 2 terrorise bak in seco! N he luks lk he's out 2 revenge. I say hi, th bus stops nikashuka.
So i'm lukn 4a jav 2get home. Theas dat 6oclock mass of people bt i get an almost empty one.
Here's where it gets if th rest was normal!.....i'm on this really cool black motorbike wit 8inch wide tyres...ok it ws batman's motorbike! N i'm goin 2th bat cave. So i'm gesn i am batman. Trouble comes wen theas a police rd block alafu they allow me i run out f petrol.
Shit is i'm in a forest now nt th deep dark amazon one, jst normal kenyan damaged goods wit decent amount of light. So i c a couple of guys runnin in2 d bush carryin tvs microwaves n shit. I don go thea cz i knw they b muggers. I tk th other path n follow some guys. By now my bike is a saloon n i don knw whose it is.
A lion appears infront of me. I wana stay still bt i jump on a tree n start climbing, only i dont knw how. Miraculously it passes by n th cops manning th rd block chase it comrade style, wit stones. I join em cz they luk done 4th day. As we r walkin down th rd they turn in2 seco kids comin frm skul. So i turn to a dirt path i knw will tk me home or 2th batcave...still in th forest. I did some dumb things which i'm nt bout 2describe. Then i see a town frm th distance, alafu sth bad hapnd, i dunno wot bt it woke me up sweating!

Rest In Peace Sylvanus

My initial plan ws 2do the th first diaries this cnt rait now.

This week a friend of mine is gonna be laid to rest. I got the news wen he died but i ges reality clocked in jana. As tears sting my eyes knowin i aint ever gon c him again i cnt help but wonder, do i have the right to mourn him? Do i have the right to shed a tear for him? Knowing very well i only made contact once since we left seminary? Do i have a right really knowin i ignored him on my friend list as i met new people? He updated several times, but did even comment even once to tell him “dude i’m here, how u doin?” I never had anyone on my friend list die, so its a new experience for me. All msgs will forever go unanswered. It’s useless contacting him now . Next question, take him from my friend list or not. If i let him stay on, each time i’m going thru it i’ll remember what i never did...yet it will remind me of him.
Memories flood but i knw th memories we shared r shared no more.

I just realized making new friends don’t mean i get rid of the old ones. the times we shared, how we helped each other get through the bullying and crap we found ourselves in fresh out of class8 and into a world of bad ass bullies. But we survived cz we had each other. Old friends make the foundation for new friends. They know the person i used to be then awkward around girls and confused and unsure. Without them i wouldn’t knw who i was and i sure as hell cnt determine who i will be.

I guess we’ll all have to live with the guilt of what we didn’t do. We’ve lost three bros many more before we realize we actually share something? Life draws us in different directions; does it have to do the same with friendship?

Right now i don’t even wana see his body cz the guilt would be too much knowing the only time I ever made the effort to see him he was going into a 6x4 hole...knowing that instance would cloud the four years we shared in the same house.

Is this how we are goin to go through life, paper chasin, forgetting the people who helped us get there? Time and time again we are told to tell the people around us we care about that we care, but ego lets us down. I want you to remember me for who i am not who you knew then, i want whatever memory i have of you to be of now. Ya’al are my friends, i don’t care where or when i met you all i care is i got to know you....u will notice by now i’m losing all flow, cz i’m swithchin windows, the other window i’m checkin his wall lukin at his last post, last update...then i realize life aint fair.He was too young...all this life ahead... Cnt do this, i ges u got my point already...i cnt find any more words to express this...

Death, the ultimate equalizer, regardless, do we have to let it win?

Here’s a link to his profile, hope it's accesible.... Silve Thuku

Rest in peace bro....u r in a better place now

Root of all evil

Money greed power.
Wot is money? Wot bout it converts 20k people in2 statistics, cash cows 2b treated n intimidated at will.
Power, wot is it? Wot bout it transforms a business woman in2 a dictator?
Combined wit money they mk weird bed fellows, combined wit a deranged woman they mk a dangerous reality wea lives may b lost n helpless girls raped.
A woman in power, we're all thinkin it so i might as well say it. Can we rily trust a woman in power?
Currently controllin among th largest parastatal in kenya. Had th chance 2bring changes. But bitch did warrr? Put money in th equation!
So now i gt most people don understand wot th initial purpose of a public uni is. I'l do my best 2 xplain.
Kenya is a 3rd world country n as such most peeps cnt afford university education.
Thats wea th public unis come in.
Each yr 500k people compete 2gt positions in d unis. Only 10k mk it. Bt th perks r dat u gt a govt loan n pay fees @subsidised rates meaning u pay 10k per sem. 4some of us dat is a lifeline! Without it we'd jst b high skul finalists. We here cz we deserve 2b here, we earned it fair n square n we gt d brainpower n mental capacity.
4 ssp's its th same situation, bt unfortunately all d subsidised positions r gone so they r forced 2pay full. I get u guys n i admire ua will 2learn. I get it ua paroz struggle 2pay th hefty fees n i wil neva assume u.
Nwy problem is wen peeps tk advantage n use it 2 commercialize education. 2mk it worse raisin fees n tryin 2force people in2 submission. Wen u r fucking somebody frm th rear, th best u cud do is gv em freedom!
Wen u tk away dat element u mk people cornered, wen cornered people bcome dangerous!
So put in money, power n a greedy bitch 2getha, then put her in2 a stand off wit d cornered students. The result is wot u c in th news. Distorted as th info they gv may b.
I'm sori 4all th injured n traumatised friends n friends of friends. But i ges it ws 4 a worthy cause n i hope peace will prevail...n th bitch gets d boot...n goes 2hell wea she'll b raped 4all eternity. Seriously ow cn a woman advocate or lead 2d rape of fellow women/girls? Its a sad state, money greed power!


~i can write in my sleep, its lk i'm countin sheep...far beyond ua kindergarten bed-wetter compositions~

Leo ws an interestin day. To begin wit i didnt go 2 jobbo cz i wanted 2work on my project, i do it 5min then i get myself laughn my ass off at southpark...
Later we played ball wit sam o my buddies. Th only reason we didnt do chobo-ua ws cz th kusa pussies had raised peeps tension, meaning if u wa chobod n wa chased ud probably b mistaken 4a thief then get beat n spread over th railway.
Halfway thru th game i remember i had laundry in a bucket. So i'm torn b2in ball, laundry n swimo. Th clad won cz i had left em soakin 4like 4days n they wa startin 2 ferment. 2cut a long stori short, i've discovered anaa way of makin alcohol usin cotton n soap, plus if u c me wearin a red tie n die tsho, thats my white tshirt...don ask!
Nwy i finishd n went back 2th game, wit gunshots in th background. Watado? N they aint allowed in2 th campo.
Had 2cancel swimo plans cz i didnt want no gsu chasin me wit my bare essentials, wot if i trip...then they decide 2 experiment, n get creative...zii.
Things get hectic so as the rest scamper lk scared little goats, i go check on my newly red blue combat tie n dye tshirts n jeans...n the still drippin. Fuck! I thought th sun had bleachin properties...i want my primo money back...they lied!
Nwy they issue this circular tellin us 2 git th fuck out...which is th real reason ku is i join th rest of th sheep. I anua my wet clad, ata don even ask wea i put my printer, kickd th speakers, wiring n plugs under th table n chuckd.

So i join th rest of th brainwashd kusa sheep on th railway 2 look for familiar faces. I find my lovely homegirls bt i'm kinda lukn 4sbody else.
I find em n we join th sheep queue o'er th railway. So i got two bags which is totally unfair considerin dat all i nid wud fit nicely in th laptop bag alone. Th xtra bag got my wet clad, which sux cz its heavy n its water i cnt drink or swim in...i blame it all on th kusa fuckers. To top it all i'm gon miss swimmin indefinately, n no comedy nite! Whyy!!!
So we walkin th railway a crowd arnd us, me n my2 buddies, a guy n chick. I remember dat i forgot 2 visit th loo n i got a bit of pressure. So i mek a half arse attempt at what i think will b a careless whisper(silent but deadly), but i think th pressure ws actually more than i'd assumed. So i got a loud blow out...i blame th earphones...n everyone crax up esp th girls behind me. I give em my most innocent luk(which is rily rily innocent) n askd em, 'nani huyo?'. 2 cut th long story short i saved my cv...tho now i'm spoilin it on fb by telling dat storo.
Now i'm at home n missing all my friends...watu, mnajua niaje?

So now onto th kusa pussies. Btw one of my classmates ws th kusa chairman, i neva hid my views bout kusa being a toothless dog n him being one of em. They jst lk th rest o th politicians, greedy punks jst livin on th perks of being elected leaders. U r jst assholes n i'm jst waitin 4th day people have had enaf n go french revolution all over ua punk asses! Jacques....
Yaani ua leadership iko down hadi u had 2use fake circulars 2get guys 2 clear frm skul.
Nwy heres th real difference b2in an experienced student rioter n an amateur:
when burning cars amateurs wanachoma nganya vilivyo. The pros usually drag th car in2 skul grounds, strip it of th headlights, stereo, battery, tyres n other detachable items then burn. In essence only th shell n seats r burnt!
Anaa thing, when rioting th amateurs air their greviances to the camera...kaa ana keki ya kuiba kwa mkono n th crumbs in the mouth. B4 u show ua stupid mug on tv, remember ua mama is watching wot u learnt in campo(uon mwaskia?). Pros cover their faces n keep camera men @bay...jst want th university senate 2knw dat we're pisd, nt th whole world...dats a bonus.
Also if u r fat, or obese stay away frm riots. First of all u cnt run that fast, u gon get ua ass beat by th gsu. Secondly u r takin up space that wud have fit 2or more rioters...shit!
Almost forgot, when hurling them rocks, mek sure u got th weight n angle of trajectile right. Too heavy n a vertical trajectile aint a nice combination for u. Ya u may tell us twas a teargas canister, bt we saw wot u did, dumbass!
That my friends is called rioters etiquette.
So this note came less than 48hrs after the other...i'm bored n when bored i blame it on kusa, waambie waache stress

Here we go again

I start by statin that th new fb homepage has cured my fb addiction so now its me, my pencil n sketchpad. Thanks fb guys, u dumbasses! I ges nw i'l b usin fb for postin notes, period!

Nw, leo i got alot of stuff i wana get outta my system...sijui wea i'm gon cut down th f words n cussin a bit...
Wot cn i say, feb ws a fuckd up month.
First i had 2cut ties wit a gud friend cz her bf is an insecure mo fo n on my case. Wots mo fuckd up is i get 2c her kila siku yet i gotta lenga her. So i'm gesn th dude got a 3 1/2 inch floppy or has mommy issues, ama he jst itchin 4a fight n bash in this gud lukn face(ahem!)...i jst hope he tries. When will people ever learn? Dont judge by face value, th most fuckd up guys have innocent lukn faces....fuuck! Ow many times do i hv 2do this? I stopd letn people walk over me years ago....ya i hate fightin, bt i do wot i gotta do...i jst let this dark thing in me take over.
Nwy wea ws i? Oh, ya, rantin. So i'm curious wot lv means 2 a chick. Stickin 2 a control freak who wants 2tk over all elements of ua life? Tk u away frm ua frnds, control wot u do, who u cal wot u do on fb, everything! See th only reason i dont interfere is cz i believe people choose their own paths. Or mayb its a crazy combination of self influenced destiny n fate. If u huk up wit sbody who carries all th features of an emasculated serial killer, sawa tu, u jst askin 4it. I might cry at ua funeral, hell i'll cry a river, i will miss u, bt i wont carry it on my concience, cz it was ua choice.
I ges th only reason chicks do this is cz th gud guys r either gay, taken, not interested, dead....or think u th best friend ever! Ama daddy issues(goes both ways) is rily a matter of simple psychology.

None of my hater notes r eva complete bila a mention of either my ex or that other bitch i hate so much. My ex...nah, that ship sailed, i dont hate her anymo or even think of her at she aint pulled no stupid stunt lately.
The other bitch? Once a bitch always a bitch! I ges they were put on this earth 2mek people miserable.
So people thought that it ws sexual tension ama my attitude that made us hv so much friction...nope! I witnessed a guy quit cz o bitch issues. So the bitch likes 2 lure guys in by flashing that fly smile of hers(which meks me wana hurl) then bendin over so u cn hv a glance o dat juicy cleav, soon she had th poor bastard arnd her little finger. Then it ws time 2go in for th kill. It ws painful watching that charade. Later i lmbfao, tho i kinda felt sori i didnt warn him, i ges curiosity got th better of me.
Bt she's gud, if i wantd 2 blackmail politicians i'd hire her actually...
I continue bout bitches in general.
A bitch cnt hv a normal relationship, cz she's u knw...a bitch, n since most of em r hot, guys jst stay wit em as trophies. Thats called the curse of the bitch...i think they mention it swhea in the bible. The greedy bitch called jezebel had naboth killd by her pussy whipd husband cz she wanted his blah blah blah...God don lk bitches also so he had elisha send jehu 2 tk out th stupid bitch. Jehu, of th driving furiously fame, threw her off a big ass tower n dogs had a field day feasting on her remains...ama it ws her guys blood...or both? (ya i knw th whole bible offhead) All dat matters is it involved a bitch n dogs...tho a bitch is also a dog
Did i mention bitches r stingy? I hv witnessed sbody get grilled cz of 2bop!

So how come bitches dont get wiped out by natural selection? Thats cz we men wa made stupid n bitches were made beautiful(most anyway). U c bitches receive the best genes wen it kams to looks, giving them access to the cream wen it kams 2guys. So they get to propagate their evil spawn n ensure survival of th species, while the rest of th human race wonder wea all these bitches came from, n pray 4th second coming of Jehu th son of Nimshi, he who don tk shit frm bitches n throws em off towers...we got skyscrapers now! We'd then get 2c a bitch turn over once in th air, turn over twice then...SPLAT! All over the road!

Now for th clarifications. I'm not a hater...jst a realist, i see things as they r nt as i wnt em 2b. I love girls bt i hate neva confuse who i'm refering to.
I dont talk trash unless i'm pisd or angry... i'm rarely angry...took a dose of sunshine.
Th only reason i'm nt sayin gud things here is dat i got so much 2b thankful for, i don wana taint it wit th bad i got 2say.
The point of this note? I ges i'm nt clear on dat one myself.....mmm... I ges th point is: jelous boyfriends, th new fb homepage n bitches r bad. Sue me, its been mo than a month since i last wrote, plus i've gone mo poetic than hater

Squeeze my luv, squeeze

Mmmm baby, that feels so gud
Wot u doin 2me?

Ya girl, i knw
Things rotate a bit mo differently on our planet
U love me?
Ok then, stick that pointy thingy up my heart

Accupuncture they say is gud
It releases energy knots in my chakra
Ya baby, an extra needle
For each day i dont see you

Feel my heart?
Of course u feel it...
U got it in ua hands!
Give it a little squeeze
Feel the power in that throb?
All u baby, all u

What is that nail doin in ua other hand?
I ges u knw better, what's gud
For th both of us

Now, stick it in
U knw u want 2
Perhaps bigger is better after all
Push it in, all the way in
We do it again trrow

A nail for each day
Without u in my arms
I cant complain baby,
U knw whats best

Oh damnit!
U got blood on uaself,
Wanna clean up that filthy mess on u?

Here, shower with this
A bucket of my tears
I secretly collect it for you each night
A sign dear,
Of how much i adore you
Nt wantin 2c my filthy blood
Staining ua beautiful hands

Baby i ws thinkin
When th nails n needles can gather no more
Give it a last squeeze for all time's sake
Feel th power, one last time

Then smash it against this wall between us
Thats how we do things in our world

My 2Cents : 21 qns

So i ws here thinkin...kitambo i usd 2 hear guys euphemising goin 2 take a long call by sayin they've gone 2 send mail yaani kutuma barua posta. In these days of technology do we call it kutuma barua pepe?

Y does nimrod taabu have such a kizungu sounding name n the way he's a swa msanii?

Later leo i heard two guys in th urinal talking. Instead of sayin peein he talkd of washing th i startd wonderin is wankin then called discharging th gun?

2 tk down a guy, the most fundamental way is by a kick or sharp blow to the nuts(xcept for eunuchs, who shoot blanks, n don have th balls 2gt hit). What is the easiest way 2 tk down a chick? N i'm nt talkin of th girly girls we all lv, i'm talkin bout th mean butch of a chick lk congestina, who can tk down a dude bila using th nutcracker avenue. Jst a blow 2 th face will do, wit th obvious reduction in dental formula?
Maddox suggests a blow to the ovaries. Me, i jst protect th essentials n head for th hills, wonderin ow i pisd her off in th first place...

This qn is gon tick off some people. If u knw u r one of em...usisome. 2b forewarned is forewarned. How many people have learned english better cz they were forced by circumstance to adapt to fb? All ya'al laughd @me cz i wsnt gud in swahili sanifu, n dat i prefered sheng n kilami to th swaleh stuff... Dont u wish u cud control mix n flow grammar lk me?

We've all read th 1001 nights, but have u ever realized u jst had access 2lk 20storos? Th book clearly states scherezade told a story each night for 1001nights, hence the name. I stumbled upon th real thing, a big ass volumed book with th thickness of the oxford dictionary bt twice the width n height, fully illustrated. Apart frm th alladin n ali baba stories we're used to, ges what else! Porn! 981tales of porn wit genies maidens n the works. My qn is when is our society gon b liberal enaf to publish that book? I jst had 2 'borrow' th book frm th library bila usin th traceable lib cards, but some dipshit helped himself to it by accidentally breakin in2 my bag anonymously, n th book stuck to his hand forcing him to take it as he looked for a way of detatching it. I'm sure he meant to return it bt couldnt find my bag. Bt you cm get th ebook here via the thepiratebay. I put in a hyperlink jst lk that. Walala, ebu bow to my awesomeness!

Do i talk bout girls here? Aren't they a bit mo complicated than we'd all care to admit?

Is this the end of the note? Isnt it a bit of an anticlimax?
And why is the author pointing at those who agree with the last qn, then pointin at his rear end then pouting his lips n smacking them?

My 2cents: Random thoughts

hought 1: Resolutions
This one i plagiarised some parts frm somebody. She can write n it ws rily rily good tho i neva told her that, cz she wouldnt admit that th fallen note almost made her cry. Nwy enaf of that.
The only reason most of us r never able to keep resolutions is cz we treat them as if they r set by the gava. Damn people, we must learn 2create custom clauses there. I mean make them worth the 1minute it took to come up with. Lk swear to stop drinking....alot. Or take an oath 'naapa ya kwamba nita acha pombe....kwa meza!' Its so easy to keep em its amazing.

Thought 2: me, her, them
Campo is really an awesome place n i'm sure when i leave i'm gonna miss it somewhere at the back of my head. Nwy the girls here b interestin. Bt i'ma deal wit that later.
Nwy stimes life cn get complicated for a guy esp when u dont wana go back to the badside cz u got sbody u rily care bout n u dont want anything in the closet. U realize the mind is strong bt the body has needs. Then the perfect chance to revenge on th ex comes, silver platter n the whole works. Bt u give it up nt cz u give a shit bout the ex, but bcz the parameters of vengeance will add to them skeletons u r avoiding.
Another funny thing, the number o booty calls increases by a factor of 10 accordin to your determination to keep off em.

My 2Cents: Of Love n Relationships

A mind once stretched by a new idea never returns to its original size – Anonymous

So I’m in the ma3 thinking bout this stuff – love and how it leads to relationships..and vice versa. I’m no expert in this field, hell I’ve played it like an idiot….jst wish I could go back to when I was 18 and free, but I’ll get to that later.

One of the perks of getting into a relationship is to acquire the Naked Rights.
According to the Laws of Love cap(1) section A: Naked rights are the perks that party A(normally the female) extends the rights to see herself naked, to Party B( the male). A subsidiary clause to this Act caters for strippers and twilight girls(also referred to as whores, prostitutes, skank, slut etc). The clause adds an extra condition which states that the naked rights shall last for the agreed duration of time provided that Party B provides the monetary compensation required by Party A, under agreement of both parties, to extend her naked rights.
Cap(1)section B states that: During the duration of the naked rights, the parties affiliated under the Relationship act have the rights to take pictographic proof of the naked rights via use of Polaroid Cameras, Cell phones and Cameras(Analog and digital).
Here’s where this law bites ass like the media bill and fails most people. Upon termination of the Relationship contract, the laws calls for immediate relinquishing of the naked rights. But it does not allow for recovery of physical and digital media acquired during the naked right period. The law does not control distribution of the aforementioned media via electronic means with malicious intent by the afflicted parties, hence forth referred to as Ex’s upon termination of the relationship contract.
Instead it refers the offending parties to the pornography act and media bill blah blah blah…boring stuff from there….

Anyway, where was I…yeah, relationships. The only thing worse than a guy stalkin a chick, is a chick who doesn’t know how to express herself. These kinds are the type who beef guy cz they cnt find a more appropriate way of getting their attention….
They say all the good guys are taken, true dat. The next good guys in line don’t want you….and down the hierarchy are guys like me. The ones with twisted opinions towards relationships. The taken good guys are the ones whose idea of life is settling down with a good girl and raising a family. The next good guys have basically the same idea but cheat a lot after doing that, but their wives stick to them coz they like the idea of stability and usually hide behind the excuse “its for the kids”.
For people lk me, I lk to think of myself as a free thinker where marriage for me is Vision 2030! Yeah I retain the capacity for faithfulness….but I don’t wanna ruin the sex by giving it a purpose. The world is full enough as it is, sex is no longer for procreation but recreation.
Love….now that’s a hard one. And I’m not about to shoot myself in the foot just yet. But yeah its possible to give yourself selflessly to another (from the opposite sex!), and it really doesn’t have to lead to anything. As long as you’re together it shouldn’t matter. Just relish the now and don’t spoil it by inserting a timeframe and future projections and aspirations. What matters is you found each other and are enjoying the moments together, the now!

p.s. I didn’t write this…..i was sleepy(read the Deniability Clause in the Friendship Act. States that when you, as a guy write sth mushy, and your male friends question you, refer them to the Alibi section, which absolves you of any emotions shown or displayed as long as you claim to have been drunk, sleepy, or otherwise equally intoxicated by unidentifiable substances not yet recognised by law)

The diaries: Conclusion - Death 2 santa, die 08

Hmmm...screw the timeline!
Die die die 08

Dear diary,
Today i'ma be thankful for all the gud things that have happened 2me all yr.
In jan i almost my ass burnt cz o some stupid politicians. May they b blessed wit cancer n senility at a young age. May their end b slow agonising n extended, prefarably in a burnin wreckage.

This yr i took full advantage of my fb account n have made 150+ friends 80% of whom i don speak to, knw in any way or even care bout. Statistics baby! Gotta have th numbers.
Dear diary, i made several resolutions this jan08, i.e
1. Quit drinkin
2. Neva smoke(i've neva smoked)
3. Stop cussn n swearin
4. Go to church 4th correct reasons
5. Go to class
6. Etc i.e. forward resolutions i broke this yr 2 nxt yr

Well diary, i drink bt cz i mean, Jesus wasnt stupid wen he turned water into wine, right? I mean if he wanted us 2take it in moderation, si he cud jst have made a bottle or 2 so that everyone cud ave a sip or two, right? Instead he made tubs n tubs!

Dear diary, i kinda broke no 2....weed aint as bad as tobacco, plus u gotta knw wot u r avoidin 2 b able 2avoid it in the future...oh n yeah...i neva actually put it to my lips, bt they say 2nd hand is worse than firsthand smoke....
On no 3who am i kiddin, i cuss lk a dream, tis th only language assholes n dipshits understand. Eva heard sth lk "excuse me sir u accidentally threw a punch at me n missd. May we correct that, i orient my face correctly 2 the trajectile of ua fist?" gtf outta here nigga b4 i tear u a new one!
Cussn is ok esp wen describin manipulative bitches who took me for d ride o my lf n fucked me up gud, bitch, wen i secure dat anonymous server ua pictures r goin up n a postcard 2mommy n daddy describin wot u learnt in campus. U n ua spyin bitch of a friend. Usin technology beyond ua comprehension is a no no little girl...or at least get the basic notion of the delete function. Cz o people lk u th robots r gonna take over!

Dudes r also backstabbin, bt we guys solve issues rationally, u sleep wit my girl, i fuck ua mom, gf n sister. Compromise is the key word!

Wot else did i do this yr...oh yeah i realized i cn pass bila goin 2class! N it aint via stg's wea u gotta screw a haggard old lecturer whose boobs r so saggy u gotta push em aside 2 reach th pussy, which is a battle ground itself. So wide u hear echoes as u scrape the sides tryin 2 get that elusive pass in ua papers.

This yr i also discovered santa is a douchebag. Wot has he ever given me? Huh? Santa is jst a fraud who stalks little kids getn em 2 reach in2 his sac...urgh!

Dear diary i also discovered the value of friends...they get u out of shit and.....aah u knw wot friends do (if u dont watch a girly flick or sth wea the guys cry n have GAY tatooed on their foreheads, since wen do guys have a heart to heart with each other?)
The deepest we guys go wit each other is,
U hit that?
Dude! Yeah i hit dat.
U saw dat shootin jana
Yeah man, the brains wa lk scattered all over th rd
Awesome! I neva wana c dat again!
And thats the emotional part. So i'm gesn those latino guys girls drool so much bout, drool ova the same things as the girls! Its ok, life aint fair these things happen, bt look on the bright side, the higher the ratio of gay men, more chics for us! Tho if we keep 2that line of thought, then the higher the chances of dudes getn gang raped! Urgh!
Kudos 2friendship n those of ya'al who helped me wen i got broke, after the mo-fos skipped town wit my 40k...i'ma hunt em down lk th dogs they r

Dear diary i'm startin 2doubt ua sincerity. U sure this is b2in the two of us? So if i told u th name of that girl that i lv so much u wnt let anyone knw? U knw the one dat i think bout all the time, the one who brings fire 2my mind, warmth in my heart, butterflies to my tummy, and a stiffy in my khakis.
Ya right, u jst lk th rest of the diaries, too easily pryed open, u r jst gonna say that to get me to open up.
Wot bout her u r askin? Si i told u already. Her name? How the fuck is that gonna help u? Already lk 100people askd me dat qn. Nt gon tell u. Ok then, u broke me. Her name is Nan'ya! Nan'ya who u r askin? Ok. Its Nan'ya Biz Niz! Damn.
U got th poems n th disses, wot mo dyu wnt? Ooh the hidden notes? Thats simple, ges my 11digit alphanumeric password n u r in!

Hmm diary u distract me. Now i dunno if i ws reminiscin praisin disn or cussn.
As my last entry this yr i wana end on the things dat make me happy:

* My family

* Friends, both seen n unseen, yaani wenye tunajuana, na wenye hatujapatana kiphizikia, physically. Mad fun timez ahead, n its gonna be fun knowing more bout you

* Piranhaz swim team, we conquered, n will continue to conquer n have mad fun in th process

* I think i'm misn sth...hmmm...oh yeah, ME! Without me life wud b so borin most people dat knw me wud b dead thru pokin themselves with wooden spoons until th splinters cut clean thru their jungulars.
I mean the only reason suicide rates are so high, and stress and obesity highly prevalent in our present generation, is cz nt everyone has access to my awesomeness. And if thea ws anyway of sharing myself with the world without getn famous, i'd do it!

Dear diary, its approachin that unholy hour 3am wen my writers block disappears n crap comes out of nowhere. So i'l quickly mash up resolutions for 09
Stop drinkin
Stop smokin 2nd hand, neva do first hand
Stop hatin on girls
Stop discriminatin
Stop breakin resolutions
Take over the world!! Along wit my newly found nemesis

Dear diary, i'm tired. Si we just summarize by sayin screw 08 u been a fucked up yr....hellooo 09! Wot u hidin under ua skirt...sth nice i hope

The Diaries: Vol 4 - Takin Out The Cobwebs

3months later!
At last, somebody fixed the light at the end of the tunnel!

5am. Damn, i don wana wake up! I'm expected to make a big decision today....mmm lemme delay it a bit longer...a few more precious minutes...

8.30am. Holy sh*£! I overslept! Oh Gawd, wot will my dad say? Most likely call me lazy, its enough he's forcin me 2 make this decision. Gotta get ready

9am. I meet my uncle coming out of my dads house. He seems kinda mad, he see's me n comes towards me. "Big man you are!"he tells me, "cant even stand up for yourself in sth lk this. Freakin loser! U disgust me." and off he stomped off leavin me feelin embarrased. I saw the workers who overheard turn away quickly n whisper among themselves. No doubt bitchin bout me. But i've gotten used to it.

9.30. My dad looks at me n asks whether i'm ready. "i'm so proud. This is gonna be a big day for our family, my boy. U knw all the details n everythings moved nicely. So, i'm gonna give u the details and i want you to have a couple hours with each of them and i want an answer in the evening. Remember, this is not only a big decision for our family, but for our company."

11am. I'm nervous. Its my date wit the first girl. So, my dad picked out three girls for me to choose the one i'm gona get hitched to.
Everyone thinks i'm yellow, that i never stood up to my dad or anyone for that matter.
Screw em, wen the old man croaks, i'ma be rich! Cnt mess up now.

11.18. Hmm, not bad! She's hot, kinda. A banker. Looks nervous also.
So my dad met her a couple months ago. She impressed him. So he loaned her 250k to invest. She played the stockmarket n ws lucky, turned it to 400k! Made father really happy.

1pm. She ws kinda fun. She kept on giggling n slipd her foot up my leg, under the table 2my.... I like a girl with guts n ambition!
We hung out for bout an hour or so... She gave me a naughty look n gave me a quick peck wen we parted.
Made a quick dash for th bathroom. They always tell l'il boys nt 2play wit their peepees. But wen big boys play wit bad girls n get left half way...gloves off!

2pm. Girl no 2. Real estate. U knw the drill, my dad gave her 250k, she did the real estate n brought crazy money! She was really nice, n intelligent to boot. A girl sbody cud love.
At the end, wen i hugged her, i cupped her butt, receivin a slap n naughty boy statement! Damn! Wonder if no3 is gona put out.

4pm. Time's runnin low. Girl 3... A diff story. Gave most of the cash to charity. My dad just brought her as a control for pushin my decision. Mayb thats y uncle ws so pissed off. She ws funny, but girl2 had more umph n potential.

5pm. Back home, i'm goin thru their photos. Impressive, amazin wot clothing hides. Better stash these in the bathroom. Wud rily improve my bathtime...he he he. My dad summons me. I'm nervous. I've made my decision. It was kind easy really.

7pm. Supper is a solemn affair, my uncle is also present. I look at my dad, soo serious. Cant wait for him 2croak. The thought amuses me, i'm bout to laugh. I squeeze my balls, d pain keeps me frm laughin. My dad gives me a lecture, how its important for d company, blah blah blah, how i'm heir n its important for me to blah blah blah.
Goes on for wot seems lk 4ever.

11.08pm. I gotta pick one of d girls. This decision is important.
"Girl 3!" i say.
My dad turns 2me, mouth open, cut off mid speech. I can see them little veins stickin out of his forehead, pulsatin. Stupid bastard, pushed me for far too long! Its my time, heir or not!
My uncle talks to my dad briefly. Cnt get wot they're sayin.
Father turns back 2 me. He's smiling....huh? "i've just realised,"he says,"that u have never stood up to me before.
"All these years, finally! Its good u've followed your convictions, and your heart.
"This is what is needed to keep the company alive. A will n a heart."
"So what bout her made u love her so much that made u pick her? That she's funny? Her heart of gold? Her willingness to held others? Tell me son"

The words came out before i could stop myself,
" Her big BOOBS!"
My father n uncle reeled, veins pulsatin! Gulp!

Monkey on my back


Its this monkey on my back
Weighing me down, crushing me
Turning my legs to mush, nt used to this
Excess weight, extra luggage

Why am i miserable, you ask
Its this monkey on my back
Bringing me to my knees
Stickin steely knives
Into my already wounded heart

I scream, I howl
At a concrete moon
Icy stares n cold smiles
Live with it, take it off
A pet of sorts
Its hairy skin tickling the back of my neck
Sending a shiver all over my body

Its this monkey on my back
That made me care
It gave me hope
Nay, it tore me open
For its friend the green eyed abomination
To eat my flesh

I tamed the demon
The monkey was angry
It pushed the knife further
To the point of no return

This monkey on my back
Chained itself to the knife
The monkey goes
The heart goes

All i can do is hope,
For the heart to heal
And scur strongly against the knife
And when i finally yank the knife free
I'm gona kill it, tear it to shreds!
This monkey on my back

New chapter - Friendship

Feels like we've been friends since childhood
Always there when i need you, to cover my back
Always there when i need a good laugh
Always there when i need to laugh at myself

Feels like I've known you forever
Always a phone call away
Always backing me up
Always encouraging me
Bringing me from the dust
Bringing hope when hope is hopeless
The crazy ideas, and the flawless execution

Feels like i can look at you forever
That cute smile
The natural curling of your hair,
How it has its own will
The easy laugh
That soft voice as you sing

Feels like i could hold you forever
As we hold hands
A little touch here
The way u run your hands over my back
How time flies when we are together
Hours spent in your arms
How time is never enough

Feels like we've been waiting to cross the friendship line forever
The little lies we tell ourselves,
And each other,
Its wrong, its filial, it will ruin us
How we try to believe the lies
How wrong that kiss proved it to be
How crazy we are,
How perfection was realized

Feels like my eyes have been opened
A kitten opening its eyes
For the first time
Its a big world
Its a dangerous world
Its a beautiful world
But you don't have to face it alone
Because you finally realize
You've never been alone
The one for you has always been there
Standing next to you
Waiting for you
To open your eyes
Then turn to face them
Look into their eyes
And see your future laid out in front of you

A new chapter,
A new beginning
A second chance!

The Diaries : vol 3 - WTF brain freeze

Blessed r the oh so pure n innocent 4 they shall die Virgins yet fuckd by everybody

5am. Didn't sleep well...coz today I'm gon c ma baby....

6am. Shower...leo I'm not gonna fiddle wit ma diddle cz its gon gt some action n do some diddlin in da pool...gotta build up the anticipation, u know.

8am. Call restaurant n book a table. Coulda requested 4 violinist, bt screw dat, i'm Kenyan. I may worship my queen bt wud b annoying having another dude arnd with his instrument, 3 is a crowd!

9am. Screw dat, i nid things 2move faster, besides home cooked is better n mo impressive. So i just cancelled my bukin.

10.15...i go out 2 get da necessary items. I havent seen her for like a month and leo being our 2yr anniversary since we started datin, i want it 2b memorable. I want yrs down the line, today be the day that is legendary to us and future generations!

12. I bump in2 my best buddy. He asks me if i askd her the qn. Oh, didnt i mention it? Today i when i pop the question!
He asks wot i ave planned 4tonight. I tell him. Shakes his head n says,"no man, nt cool. U givin er a home cookd cz u wana eat, pop then shag? Take her out after dinner, let the night be about her, make her rily happy n jst wen she don think life cud get any better than that, show her the ring!"
Gud advice. That's why he's my best friend.

2pm. Everything is ready. Now all thats left is the surprise finale. This is gon blow her mind, yaani she's told me bout how she always dreamed of it since she was a little girl!
I call in a favor. Its gon cost me bt totally worth it.

3. I call her, ask how she's doin.
Missd me
"yeah, alot. Love you

i really love her too, neva bin wit anyone else even once.

"when u coming back?
I'm not sure
"dyou knw wen today is?
Ummm, your birthday?
"ha ha, very funny. Baby, thea is sth i wana tell u. Wen u gon b arnd?
Nt sure, i'l check then tell u.

Hey gotta throw her off the track!

8. I go to pick her up, we go 2 my place for dinner then the special surprise, then the future written in stone!

9. I let myself in. She gave me a key,dummy!
Soft music in the background. Nt unusual.
My mind gets alert nwy, bt she vowed i'm the only man in her life!
Wait, i'm getn paranoid 4 nothing, its all good.....
Glass n a bottle of wine on the counter, phew! Its jst dat she misses me so n its our anniversary.

9.05 asleep already? Hmmm...mayb a quickie aint outta da question.

I enter the bedroom n turn on the lights n yell," surprise", i can just see her smile n squeal of delight wen she see's me!...
"BAIBE! You're back!"
She is naked, n she isnt alone!
I cant believe it! Cheat...after all we'd been through, all this time, all these years, all the love...1 moment n its all over!

I storm out

10.30pm. Go all out on a drinkin spree............... mind is all fuzzy, whea am i?... How'd i get home? What happened? Its coming 2me in snippets...dinner....surprise....ring.... soft music... bedroom door...lights. FUCK!

11am. Finally get out of bed. I'm depressd. I check my fon.....35missd calls, 10msgs, 6voice mails. What does she want...
First 5msgs "please pick my calls". I don read any further. Dumb chiq.
I check the voice mail....
"Baby, bout last night. I'm soo sorry, i tried to tell you, bt didnt knw ow u'd take it. I was to tell you, really......Baby, i'm GAY!"

The Diaries : Vol 2 - 24/7 Stalker

Watch ua back...side

6.00 Gotta get up early in order 2 catch her at her fave restaurant

9.00 I "accidentally" bumped in2 her as she walked 2 the lift. God, she smells great! That mixture of body lotion and perfume...sigh!
A few strands of hair got caught in my coat...i smell em..put em in my pocket. I'll add them to the rest of her souvenirs later...

11.00 I leave work early so that i reach her fave eatin spot n get a gud view...
She comes in. As she turns to sit, our eyes meet 4 a fleeting second...yee 4me. Now she knows i exist!
She has her meal then leaves...i quickly occupy her space...the plate she's eaten frm hasnt been taken away. I grab the spoon she'd used...her lips had touched it! I quickly slip it in2 my pocket...great, more memorabilia!

2.00 I follow her 2 whea she works. I know her routine well. Hell, si i've followed her for 2months now! We have a great connection.

3.00 Today is the day i tell her how much i love her! I knw its time coz as she turned away, i felt her gaze burn into my soul...and knew she feels the same. I plan to show her how much i feel for her...we got a great future ahead...esp wen she also says those 3words!
Let me prepare.

4.30 Flowers - check! Pink roses, they're her fave. She has them in pots arnd her apartment.
Breath - check!
Suit - check!
I touch her photo tenderly, its my favourite among the rest. It really captured the beauty of her big brown eyes. Soon my dear, soon!
Now to get her when she reaches home...she always leaves work at 5 and arrives at 7.

7.15 i'm at her door. I hide the flowers behind my back. I'm gona surprise her, like they do in the movies!
I knock...the door opens slightly...there she is, the love of my life, radiant as ever.
I flash the flowers...she's gona b so happy!! I wonder what she'll do, hug me? Maybe even a kiss!
Her eyes widen...why aint she smilin? Where's the thankyou? All she says is, "YOU!!" The rest is gibberish...i dont understand...why is she screamin?
I try to calm her down by showing her the photo, and spoon... they will definately prove to her how much i care n mean her no harm...
She recoils away from me and bolts her door, still screaming...why is she being such a bitch?

8.00 I continue knockin at her door...i mean...each relationship goes thru these up n downs, the secret is persistence!

8.30 The police turn up...who called them? Definately the neighbour...nosy bastard! I try to explain what is going on...they wont listen...

10.00 I'm at the police desk being booked in when i see her walk in. Thank God! Now she'll explain to these dumb cops and end the misunderstanding.
I call to her...she passes me without even looking up. I guess she's embarassed for me...ah! Love.

11pm...i get booked in. Bt apparently the cells are full so i have to b transfered to a nearby prison.
This is what is wrong with our justice system. Yaani she is clearing my name, yet due to the bureucracy i cant b releasd immediately. FUCK the system.

7am. Time for the shower. We have to bathe en mass. So many guys here!
As i soap myself...the soap slips from my grip and falls down. A hush falls over the whole bathroom...i look around...everyone is staring at me!
I feel a tap on my shoulder...i turn to look...the big dude behind me points at the soap bar at my feet and says in a not-so-friendly tone, "Go ahead, pick it up!"

The Diaries: Vol 1 - 24 hour girl

Let the mind fly....

So i've been made a chic for 24hrs. This is my diary:

7am. Woke up. Looked into the mirror. Gosh! I got a radiant morning face. Luv the way my hair falls over my boobs. Sexy! Nice!

8am. Showered. Stood infront of mirror...nekkid! Oh man, i'm gettin turned on looking at myself. Sweeet! Hmmm...wonder how long i got left with this bod. Was told 24 when did they start countin them? When i woke up or....

9am.. I should stop staring at myself. Wait...haven't combed my hair. I'll do it now, coz its still wet.

10 am. Good! Hair is all neat. Now to return the hairbrush...wait... what if i comb down there. Never had one before... mmmh...that feels good!...what if i hold the hairbrush by the head...whoah!... that is how it feels? Nice!...i'll put it all in...mmhmph!

12pm. Shit, i've wasted precious time. Maybe i got less than 12more hours before i go back being a dude. I'll just dress quickly and, out to see the world.
Now what to wear. This jeans will do nicely. Panties? I'm a rebel... i don't think so...go commando style!... Eih... kwani how do you wear a bra? All these little hooks... how to fit them... screw it...i'm perky anyway! This low cut is nice though. Very comfy

1pm. Where do i begin? Does Taco's have life at this time? I'll check. Maybe i'll score free that's how it goes?

2pm. That konda totally let me ride for free! Nice! Perks of being a chic...

3pm. At last! Aih? This place dont have life. Wont even bother with Seasons.

7pm. Guys are checking me out. Freaks! Wait, i'm a chic! Almost forgot there!

8pm. Ibiza got life. Lemme shake my bootae. This girl on the floor got moves. Let me join her. This is fun.
I always wondered why girls prefered to dance with each other. One is actually a guy who's been given 24hours in a girl's body!
Gotta remember that later, when i'm back to being a guy

10pm. A nipple popped out as i was bendin over. My cheeks are hot(all four of them).
This guy is offerin to buy me a drink. Ok. I take it. Can't take his eyes off my bossom. Fuck, its so freakin weird. Perv!

12am. Gotta go home before i morph back. I want one last go at the hairbrush.
Day's epiphany: if i was i girl permanently i'd still like girls. Hmmm. Food for thought!
I always asked girls what it felt like to have breasts and other girl parts. They say it isn't that big of a deal!
Tell that to the guy who had em for 24hours! Musta died, gone to heaven...where i got shot and really got to the ultimate heaven!

7am. Alarm clock. I wake up. Touch my chest...nothing. I look down...helloo...a tent! Give it a small pat...
Good to be back.
Home sweet home

Broken Relations

Why is it that losing her affected me so? Maybe its coz she's the only one who took me for who i was. Somebody who believed in me when even i didn't.

Maybe its coz she took me from the edge
Maybe it's coz when i had her in my arms i knew i wasn't meant to be alone, that i had someone with whom we belonged together
Maybe it's because when i lay my head on her lap i knew everything was gonna be ok, my feelings would be protected and reciprocated.
Maybe it is coz when i was with her i knew the best in me would come out and manifest.
Maybe it's because her forgiving and understanding nature gave me hope for trusting in people.
Maybe its coz thinking of her always elicited warmth through out my body.
Maybe its coz when i was about to see her my mouth went dry and my pulse rate changed.
Maybe its coz when i looked into her eyes i saw love, truth and a bright future
Her soft voice gently caressing my ears, telling me its ok, you dont have to hide no more
Me knowing i loved her, but not voicing it
Knowing she loved me but i not wanting to hear it
Fearing the unknown of giving ourselves to each other completely
Commitment to one person, two souls becoming one
What can i do to make it all better?
Stop being stubborn.
Just hold down speed dial 2 and let it ring
Tell her my feelings?

Tell her i need her
Tell her why we drifted apart

Open up to her, have her in my arms once more and never let go...

Friday, March 19, 2010


So our young hero kissed the fair maiden one last time. As he walked towards the setting sun the wind howled increasingly around him, each step taking him further from her. She watched his lonely figure slowly blend with the sunset. Tears rolling down her face she knew she was losing him, if it hadn't happened already. Still, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She wanted to run after him before he disappeared or it got too dark, but what would she say? He couldn't possibly understand...
He held his coat closer around him. Fascinated by the sun he mused, maybe if he could walk faster it would turn noon instead of night. He heard somebody call. 'Nah' he thought,'its probably just the wind!'
As he got sucked further into the unknown, he tried to convince himself it was for the best. Choices had to be made and since she didn't seem to be sure of what she wanted, he'd done it for both of them. Still he couldn't help but wonder if he was making a mistake.
He looked back briefly. Shadows had already covered the landscape and he could barely trace the silhouette of the house he'd left. Had she gone back in? He continued trudging along as he pondered over his future alone. "It is better it happened before i loved her," he tried to convince himself, but why then was it so hard? Maybe there will be others, but he wasn't so sure about that. Maybe he should go back...
She could still taste him on her lips even as the tears worked their way down her face occasionally feeling the edge of her mouth. Her body still had the signature of where he'd touched her as he held he'd touched her. Why was he being so stubborn? Why couldn't he understand? A sob escaped, shaking her body. She called out to him... The golden edge of the sun lingered for a few seconds over the horizon then hid leaving only the glowing cinders on the feathery clouds above and soon that too was gone... He was gone...


So our young hero kissed the fair maiden one last time. As he walked towards the setting sun the wind howled increasingly around him, each step taking him further from her. She watched his lonely figure slowly blend with the sunset. Tears rolling down her face she knew she was losing him, if it hadn't happened already. Still, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She wanted to run after him before he disappeared or it got too dark, but what would she say? He couldn't possibly understand...
He held his coat closer around him. Fascinated by the sun he mused, maybe if he could walk faster it would turn noon instead of night. He heard somebody call. 'Nah' he thought,'its probably just the wind!'
As he got sucked further into the unknown, he tried to convince himself it was for the best. Choices had to be made and since she didnt seem to be sure of what she wanted, he'd done it for both of them. Still he couldnt help but wonder if he was making a mistake.
He looked back briefly. Shadows had already covered the landscape and he could barely trace the silhouette of the house he'd left. Had she gone back in? He continued trudging along as he pondered over his future alone. "It is better it happened before i loved her," he tried to convince himself, but why then was it so hard? Maybe there'll be others, but he wasn't so sure about that. Maybe he should go back...
She could still taste him on her lips even as the tears worked their way down her face occasionally feeling the edge of her mouth. Her body still had the signature of where he'd touched her as he held he'd touched her. Why was he being so stubborn? Why couldn't he understand? A sob escaped, shaking her body. She called out to him... The golden edge of the sun lingered for a few seconds over the horizon then hid leaving only th glowing cinders on the feathery clouds above and soon that too was gone... He was gone...