Saturday, March 20, 2010

Paper paper, who's got th paper

Now 4my awesome original biz idea!
I'm going into th condom manufacturing bizniz. My biz partners will b th G-10 bitches! Dont worry, i got it all planned out! Th brand-name, advertising, legal issues, market target group, bizniz plan n ethical issues!
First dealing wit d smarty pants who think they cn punch holes in my ideas. Real simple actually, kitambo my biz kicks up n meks enaf paper 2hire a hitman or cut brake lines, i'l settle wit stickn fingers snugly in2 my ears n mumbling rily loudly...foolproof!
Now 4my biz G-10. I realized partnering wit em is rily strategical. Consider my angle, when they bring about a boycot wk, frm my observation people rily gt laid. N 2prevent a baby boom wot do they use? Yep, my product!.....hmm... note 2self, get morning after pills into my franchise also...
Heres why, when Kenyans r told nt 2fuck, they prove defiant n screw mo than ever in larger numbers. I even got th chillin ones in2 th equation. Cz wen u refuse 2drop em pants 4ua horny partner, they luk 4it elsewhea bt in order 2b careful wot do they use? U got it again. (hmmm...note 2self...get in2 talks wit jimmy gathu...reverse th mpango wa kando ads)
Anyhoo, th condom biz got ethical issues, bt i got an idea dat wud kill not 1, not 2 but 3 birds wit one stone!!! In treacle aint it? Yaani branding, ethical issues n advertising all rolled up into 1! Now get ready 4this.......r u wit me....simplicity n brand will b called...*drumrolls...held breath*......ABSTINENCE condoms!!
Yeah yeah, oxymoron some will think...i say...go fuck uaselves!
So how will it tk care of ethical issues n advertising? Dats a no brainer actually... Thea will obviously b an uproar when a new condom brand is introducd in2 th market. The churches will b up in arms esp th catholic church. They will say we r advocating 4 irresponsible sexual acts blah blah blah... n actually state that the only way they approve of as th best way 2reduce stds n teen pregnancy is what? ABSTINENCE! Cha ching!!! Free media coverage, free advertising, free endorsement! Money in th bank! We cud even put a disclaimer at th bottom of th box "recommended by th catholic church" n nobody cud sue me! I'd jst bring a newspaper as evidence....
Also wen th catholic church realizes they r losin d abstaining war, they cud avoid th embarrasin whiplash by claimin they were actually referin 2 my condoms!
time 2bow down 2my genius! Told ya 3birds, one stoone!
Oops...sori 4my insensitivity, incase u a guy swhea n by a stroke of bad luck lost a testicle...note i said stone not ball! U must b nuts...sori... u must b nut 2 xpect an apology!
Oh, n also if u catholic n got offended by wot i'v said.....go fuck uaself!(use my brand condoms....). N if u actually report me 2my parish priest n i get th disclaimer!
Hmmm...note 2self, in order 2 target th 9yr-18yr olds, start a line of small size condoms under th followin brand names, CHILL, NIMECHILL, TUTACHILL...On th packaging use an image of a fist wit two fingers use of alot of yellow n orange on th packaging...advertising is already taken care of, by media, newspapers n popular tv programs lk Churchill live....

Disclaimer: steal my ideas n so help me, i'l hunt u down lk th little piece of shit u r, n i'l torture u....n u'll b so busy screaming u wont notice i killed u already!
theas a small part of th biz plan i had 2leave out cz it ws mean n rily rily workable...i'd tell u, bt then i'd b forcd 2 implement th disclaimer...

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