Saturday, March 20, 2010

The diaries: Conclusion - Death 2 santa, die 08

Hmmm...screw the timeline!
Die die die 08

Dear diary,
Today i'ma be thankful for all the gud things that have happened 2me all yr.
In jan i almost my ass burnt cz o some stupid politicians. May they b blessed wit cancer n senility at a young age. May their end b slow agonising n extended, prefarably in a burnin wreckage.

This yr i took full advantage of my fb account n have made 150+ friends 80% of whom i don speak to, knw in any way or even care bout. Statistics baby! Gotta have th numbers.
Dear diary, i made several resolutions this jan08, i.e
1. Quit drinkin
2. Neva smoke(i've neva smoked)
3. Stop cussn n swearin
4. Go to church 4th correct reasons
5. Go to class
6. Etc i.e. forward resolutions i broke this yr 2 nxt yr

Well diary, i drink bt cz i mean, Jesus wasnt stupid wen he turned water into wine, right? I mean if he wanted us 2take it in moderation, si he cud jst have made a bottle or 2 so that everyone cud ave a sip or two, right? Instead he made tubs n tubs!

Dear diary, i kinda broke no 2....weed aint as bad as tobacco, plus u gotta knw wot u r avoidin 2 b able 2avoid it in the future...oh n yeah...i neva actually put it to my lips, bt they say 2nd hand is worse than firsthand smoke....
On no 3who am i kiddin, i cuss lk a dream, tis th only language assholes n dipshits understand. Eva heard sth lk "excuse me sir u accidentally threw a punch at me n missd. May we correct that, i orient my face correctly 2 the trajectile of ua fist?" gtf outta here nigga b4 i tear u a new one!
Cussn is ok esp wen describin manipulative bitches who took me for d ride o my lf n fucked me up gud, bitch, wen i secure dat anonymous server ua pictures r goin up n a postcard 2mommy n daddy describin wot u learnt in campus. U n ua spyin bitch of a friend. Usin technology beyond ua comprehension is a no no little girl...or at least get the basic notion of the delete function. Cz o people lk u th robots r gonna take over!

Dudes r also backstabbin, bt we guys solve issues rationally, u sleep wit my girl, i fuck ua mom, gf n sister. Compromise is the key word!

Wot else did i do this yr...oh yeah i realized i cn pass bila goin 2class! N it aint via stg's wea u gotta screw a haggard old lecturer whose boobs r so saggy u gotta push em aside 2 reach th pussy, which is a battle ground itself. So wide u hear echoes as u scrape the sides tryin 2 get that elusive pass in ua papers.

This yr i also discovered santa is a douchebag. Wot has he ever given me? Huh? Santa is jst a fraud who stalks little kids getn em 2 reach in2 his sac...urgh!

Dear diary i also discovered the value of friends...they get u out of shit and.....aah u knw wot friends do (if u dont watch a girly flick or sth wea the guys cry n have GAY tatooed on their foreheads, since wen do guys have a heart to heart with each other?)
The deepest we guys go wit each other is,
U hit that?
Dude! Yeah i hit dat.
U saw dat shootin jana
Yeah man, the brains wa lk scattered all over th rd
Awesome! I neva wana c dat again!
And thats the emotional part. So i'm gesn those latino guys girls drool so much bout, drool ova the same things as the girls! Its ok, life aint fair these things happen, bt look on the bright side, the higher the ratio of gay men, more chics for us! Tho if we keep 2that line of thought, then the higher the chances of dudes getn gang raped! Urgh!
Kudos 2friendship n those of ya'al who helped me wen i got broke, after the mo-fos skipped town wit my 40k...i'ma hunt em down lk th dogs they r

Dear diary i'm startin 2doubt ua sincerity. U sure this is b2in the two of us? So if i told u th name of that girl that i lv so much u wnt let anyone knw? U knw the one dat i think bout all the time, the one who brings fire 2my mind, warmth in my heart, butterflies to my tummy, and a stiffy in my khakis.
Ya right, u jst lk th rest of the diaries, too easily pryed open, u r jst gonna say that to get me to open up.
Wot bout her u r askin? Si i told u already. Her name? How the fuck is that gonna help u? Already lk 100people askd me dat qn. Nt gon tell u. Ok then, u broke me. Her name is Nan'ya! Nan'ya who u r askin? Ok. Its Nan'ya Biz Niz! Damn.
U got th poems n th disses, wot mo dyu wnt? Ooh the hidden notes? Thats simple, ges my 11digit alphanumeric password n u r in!

Hmm diary u distract me. Now i dunno if i ws reminiscin praisin disn or cussn.
As my last entry this yr i wana end on the things dat make me happy:

* My family

* Friends, both seen n unseen, yaani wenye tunajuana, na wenye hatujapatana kiphizikia, physically. Mad fun timez ahead, n its gonna be fun knowing more bout you

* Piranhaz swim team, we conquered, n will continue to conquer n have mad fun in th process

* I think i'm misn sth...hmmm...oh yeah, ME! Without me life wud b so borin most people dat knw me wud b dead thru pokin themselves with wooden spoons until th splinters cut clean thru their jungulars.
I mean the only reason suicide rates are so high, and stress and obesity highly prevalent in our present generation, is cz nt everyone has access to my awesomeness. And if thea ws anyway of sharing myself with the world without getn famous, i'd do it!

Dear diary, its approachin that unholy hour 3am wen my writers block disappears n crap comes out of nowhere. So i'l quickly mash up resolutions for 09
Stop drinkin
Stop smokin 2nd hand, neva do first hand
Stop hatin on girls
Stop discriminatin
Stop breakin resolutions
Take over the world!! Along wit my newly found nemesis

Dear diary, i'm tired. Si we just summarize by sayin screw 08 u been a fucked up yr....hellooo 09! Wot u hidin under ua skirt...sth nice i hope

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