Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Peace Out. New blog. Where dis?

It has been increasingly difficult to post to this blog over the past few years.

I think it is because it covers a chapter of my life that I can no longer associate with. I'm no longer that sad young boy trying to understand why depression fucked his life and took away all the light. I haven't found my way through the path of achieving nirvana, nor have I achieved the ultimate enlightenment; but at the same time I am not sick and this blog is a relic from that journey; and after a lot of thought I have decided not to use it anymore.

I was also bigoted, with misogynistic undertones and wrote material that sometimes makes me cringe when I go through them all these years later.

I felt the need to go back and edit some of the material, or out-rightly remove them because we are advancing into an age where social media is filled with "social warriors" armed with the pitch-forks of vitriol and misplaced social championing, and some of the shit I wrote in the past may not fit in with what is considered "right" or "moral". People have the habit of digging up things you said or wrote online in the past with the intent of maligning your character.

Ultimately I chose to retain all the articles unedited, in their original form. I am aware of the personal attacks that may come from any "controversial" material, because at the end of the day I didn't start this blog with the intent to be right, believing that my knowledge was superior and immutable.

It was about me. It was not about attacking anyone, nor was it about hurting or victimizing anyone. It was a journey about Ben trying to understand his thoughts, his life and what everything meant and who he was in all of the chaos that is self-awareness cloaked and suffocated by depression, and sharing his thoughts in case a thought worth adopting was sent back.

You can never grow when your journey involves forgetting from whence you came. The value of life isn't understood looking forward but by looking back at the path taken.

It's time to discover myself anew or continue to.

I have also decided to publish the half done thoughts that will forever remain unfinished after the mind behind them died, or was erased...or whatever.

If you still want to read stuff I write, or spy on me or whatever, I'm now on tumblr here myawakening.tumblr.com