Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Letter to my 13 year old self

Hey 13 year old Ben,
I am going to impart you with classified material which will probably get me kicked out of the top secret “Grandfather Project”. Don’t worry about the name, your fascination with time travel and worm holes will let you know the implied meaning soon enough. I’ll give you something called a news sandwich where I’ll give you good news then bad news then good news, or vice versa.
I’m guessing right now you have had two terms in seminary and it hasn’t been a walk in the park, what with the intense bullying and accusations of being gay, right? Well I hate to tell you this but it isn’t going to get any easier. In fact, brace yourself for the toughest four years of your life. For a start, all your dogs will die in the next month, every single one of them because somebody went cheap and refused to pay for a very important vaccine. Ok, I have to admit this is the sandwich ham only…no good news to cover it.
Now for good news; you know the Goju Ryu/Tae Kwon Do classes you are taking? It will pay off, you’ll lose all your flab and girls will start paying attention and they’ll even hit on you a lot of times. Bad news, you’ll still have self-esteem issues that will totally fuck your dating life. But more of that near the end.
By now you are waiting eagerly for me to talk about your relationship with your father. Well, it won’t get any better; in fact you’ll hate him for a couple of years. Everything he does for you will have strings attached. He will manage to totally destroy whatever shred of self-esteem and confidence you have and you will spiral into suicidal tendencies. Don’t worry, you are reading this letter meaning you will get to write it, right? The world is still your oyster and you have great things ahead because surprisingly enough you’re still an A student. In fact you will turn things around and you will escape his hold, the beatings will stop, you’ll make your own money and most importantly you’ll learn a little something called not giving a fuck!
Now for some really good news; when you hit 18 you will have a little sister! Yes, a sister and you will love the little munchkin with all the love you got and then some. Later you’ll join college and you’ll finally deal with the self-esteem issues and get yourself a girlfriend, model for a while, fulfill all your fantasies in a couple of months, and join campus where you’ll have a blast, uncover your sexual potential, join the swim team, win a lot of medals….get a job and be your own man! Though I have to warn you, you will get tired of the job and you will quit. Oh, almost forgot, you will be diagnosed with bipolar disorder…
Since I’m almost at the present with my letter I’ll tell you about your love life. So many girls will come and go you won’t even be able to keep track especially since you seem to lack the ability to love or move beyond “like a lot”. Your mom taught you to be smart so you’ll know how to protect yourself even though you will do things she won’t be proud of. Anyway 6months before you write this letter, you will have known the meaning of heartbreak. Your girl, she will show you what love is and you will love her with everything you have. Then she will destroy you like an ant, yet you’ll still be in love with her and screw up every subsequent relationship. And don’t ever lie to yourself, you can’t get back together, you are both too proud for that. Since it’s a sandwich, we’ll end on a high note. Your bff will be a girl and she’ll stay with you all through your shit, remember to take care of her and let her know you notice all she does for you.
I know you are curious about the present, but I’ll let you find out for yourself. But you will become a great poet and writer and you will win hearts with it, but don’t let it get to your head.
A very grownup you
P.s Just throwing it out there, there will be other girl in your life; if you gain more guts than me, let her know you know she is just using you as back up.
To Kris, somebody I truly trust, @savvykenya n @switcheeks whose letters to their 13yr old selfs inspired this, Zain who hid my deed to Antarctica...which i plan on getting back

1 comment:

  1. Aaaaw, you'll never get the deed to Antarctica :P and yes, you have won hearts :)