Are your naked photos online?

This has been an interesting week for Kenyans on twitter. Apart from the extra photos from muliro garden, there were photos of this poor girl from a local private university and a video (read porn) clip from yet another local university, this time public.
Now I could yell from my high horse saying how wrong it was for whoever put those photos online to do it, but I’m a little more honest with myself than that. I’m guilty of retweeting and having a good laugh at how gullible people are when it comes to technology; and how funny/stupid some of those sex positions were.
I have a quick confession to make. Several years ago I happened to lend my camera to a certain lady who later retuned it damaged. Well, the camera was irrecoverable but the memory card wasn’t. The contents taught me one important thing: there are more nudies out there than we might have previously imagined. To cover up the loose end in my confession I’ll state that her photos never made it online and her dignity is intact all these years later. What about the photos? Deleted and the memory card wiped and put through such thorough data shredding nothing could ever be recovered( unless the cyborg from terminator is given a side mission as it waits for Sarah to pop up somewhere, though if it had been given that mission then I’d know by now). And I WAS pissed at her for breaking my camera, among other things! See how good I am? Yeah, you can worship me later.
The only foolproof way of protecting yourself is making sure such photos don’t exist in the first place. Sex in public/risky places is thrilling and probably has no match in the adrenalin seeking area - unless it’s possible to have sex while parachuting, which still adds up to public sex anyway- but this is the 21st century and big brother is everywhere. I can bet just about every other person on the street has a phone with a working camera, this means chances of getting away with a quick shag without getting photographed are pretty slim.
Here is how to decrease your chances of negative online presence (read- having your nudies leaked online):
a) Listen out for any unnatural sound; hell, listen out for any natural sound or any sound at all that is out of place. I know, it’s hard to focus with blood rushing through your ears while the rest of the blood has been redirected from the brain, but it’s really important if you are in unfamiliar territory.
It is common knowledge that all locations have their “native” sounds, so if you’re getting all hot and heavy and you hear a sharp click, STOP! Then search the area and make sure you cover the windows in your search. The natural sound I mentioned earlier is to cover for those cameras that make chirping sounds. Maybe, also check for extremely glossy surfaces on a fixed substrate.
b) Since most people can’t afford a faraday field, make sure no piece of technology is switched on! Look at that toaster as an enemy; unplug it. If you have a laptop make sure the battery is out on the other side of the room and for extra security the lid is firmly shut. In the case of a desktop computer make sure all the cables are on the table and the tips are visible. As for the phones, you know how to take out the battery, don’t you?
I guess all this hustle will take out a lot of your horniness, but ask yourself “which is easier, getting your leaked naked photos off the internet or engaging in a couple extra minutes of foreplay to make up for watered lust?” Yes my friends, make paranoia your best friend, not everybody has my –since I’m modest to a fault- ability to use delete.
As a side note: sometime back this guy showed me a pen and watch that had spy cameras fitted within. I saw the photos, but couldn’t tell where the shutter was located except guess using the angle of the shot to determine the region where it could be. See why paranoia is ok?
If despite all this you still choose to record yourself or sit for photos, remember you are the only person you can trust, and even then, can you trust yourself that well? Many a time I’ve been in a cyber café and, while saving my stuff, seen photos that have made me shake my head. Are they that surprised when they find themselves as trending topics?
More unsolicited advice:
c) Always work from your drive directly from your memory card/flash if you are on a public computer. If you seek assistance, then the only time you should break eye contact with the screen and storage device is when you blink, never mind the mind control required to multitask that. If you blink for exceedingly long periods of time, then you can’t be helped; see a doctor or take coffee for that.
d) Make ctr+shift+delete your best friend. On any browser this action will bring up the browser dialog for clearing all your browsing data. This means if you are one of those people who store data in the draft section then you won’t accidentally leave your email account logged in. If it gives you a message along the lines of “You need administrative permission to do that”, then raise hell. You can never be too safe.
e) Pray. Whatever your religion, turn to the deity and say “Please cover for me if I screwed up!” I know I do.
Have a porn free day

Glass houses

The most cruel thing I've ever told a girl is "I can never love you" and before the lynch squad is organised and pitch forks gathered, I'll tell you of things karma and others blunt(not the weed).
Relationships have never been easy and sometimes i try to adopt a philosophical approach towards them but it doesn't quite cut due to inexperience, age or a touch of both; never been sure which.
She was young and pretty with pink soft lips that tasted like nectar. Like all others before and after her, she was enamoured by this guy with traits of a split personality and extremes in moods and behaviour, and like most others she discovered it can burn sometimes. Her eyes haunt me each time we meet, the innocence gone and memories of the hurt i involuntarily put there. Whenever on the phone i can feel her silent accusation on why she turned cynical. Why i like to avoid emotional contact, that's part of the reason.
I've never found it hard to interact with the fairer sex especially when in my comfort zone. Having a female best friend was a good thing overall, but definitely a thorn in the side relationshipwise. Apparently most girls aren't willing to stick around knowing of the disadvantage that you probably love your best friend more than you ever will them. But that is also neither here and there since you have to breakdown the different types of love.
If i was to lift up my left hand to count the number of times i've been in love, i guess i could comfortably donate my thumb to research, give the little finger to my fish as a light snack and have serious consideration to where the middle finger would required, and still have more than enough fingers left for my count. I'm not ashamed to admit to have been in love. It took the cynicism away. Although i never get it how people fall in love over and over again, i have enough sense to appreciate they lead richer more satisfying lives than i ever will.
Being into the same person always is never an easy thing. Having the need yet the circumstances never letting you be is like being in a glass house on either side of a wall looking at each other. You place your hand at the spot she is placing hers and can't feel the softness. All you can do is look at each other and tap to let each other know you're still there; hoping a door will be found, or maybe somebody will throw a stone and shatter the whole thing, and cut and bruised you will fix each others wounds but at least finally you will be together.
But life isn't that simple, is it? Whenever you get that person who loves you the way you do them fate will always find a way to make sure you can't be, because, lets admit it, life is not a tv show.
Whenever you find that person that loves you, circumstances will be ripe for you two to hook up, but your heart will be that big empty hole with longings for another(refer to the opening statement). And so all the options are there but never in your favour. Isn't life grand?
Whenever cynicism and philosophy fail you do as i do; convince yourself, since you're alive maybe there's a reason and a chance. Many maybes constitute to a whole lot of probablys which overall means there's a chance(forgive the ill constructed grammar); and a chance is way better than nothing. Maybe you will get out of the glass house and maybe you will reach each other, and maybe you will find another. That line of logic barely works for me, but it's a world better than hopelessness. Love is gift, but it's not in your hands who you give it to.

Legion, because there are many of us

He is that geek, quiet in the corner minding his own
Looks on, never a word just a friendly smile
Or a sputter of awkwardness in an attempt at conversation

He is that guy, adrenalin his fuel
His world a blur of adventure,
Violence his second nature
The smell of blood, a spur to his flank for more

The life of the party, that other one
Girls are his ambition, with alcohol no inhibitions
And herb as the cherry on top
Seeking the next big rush

To hold them all at the core
Lies the keeper to them all, and master to none
Guardian of the knowledge they are but one
Pulling each to their own, seeking separate identity

The keeper, sober and decisive, by psychology and meds he shall draw
them in...eventually
There is a limit to occupants of a mind, but they still fight it
They tire him, should he give in they all die
There is a limit to what the world takes as eccentric
And chains and cells is what they offer
He is one mind, one man, but many occupants; Legion