Thursday, July 21, 2011

Write Thinking: Matatu Trip

This entry is kind of different since i'm doing it on the go. It's based on a style of writing i picked from a good friend.
The matatu i'm in inches forward. I look outside at the flyover being constructed by wu yi and co. It looks really stable but i can't help but note a flaw in the system but then again i'm not an engineer to determine the structure of struts, girders and all.
The matatu inches forward several meters. In the background they are playing kenny rogers' gambler. I think of trump cards and my thoughts stray to my girlfriend. Relationships have interesting dynamics. Personally, i usually avoided them because of all the emotional investment they require, meaning before you get into one you have to be triple, quadruple sure of the person you're doing it with. I am happy, some rough patches here and there, but it's all good.
Yaay, the traffic is moving at least. I look around the vehicle. I'm seated near the back so i have vantage position. I remember my shrink asking me about my fears. His question had been specific at first, 'Ben, in a matatu do you pick the vantage point maybe because you are scared of an accident and dying.'
Of course i told him as long as i'm not sitting between two people, i'm good to go. Of course by now he also knows i barely have any phobias. Self imposed shock therapy worked magic for me. Why i'm seeing a shrink is a story for another day.
The matatu is really eating the asphalt now. Progress. I look at the pretty girl in at the back and smile. No flirting. I'm smiling because the guy next to her has his pits next to her face. Smile is evil now...haha.
I think of my job. The paradox that is my personality comes into question over its usefulness. I don't know whether it is because i stayed so long without having my bipolar treated or what is the cause, but i am a child of two worlds. When my girlfriend calls me a geek, i always correct her and say half-geek. Reason being I'm at home in the forest or ocean depth(been there done all that) as well as behind a pc.
Back to my job. I know i love coding, the money in it may not be all that especially compared to alternative careers i could easily get into but i stay on for the love of the code. Coding is like poetry, but with methods and properties.
The outside is just a blur now and i think of my best friend (former). I recently realized i have more female friends than male. I guess it has something to do with having daddy issues. Though in retrospect as a kid i grew up with pretty girls all around me and i am used to getting hit on, though that is neither here or there since i'm write thinking(picked that from another friend).
15minutes and i'll be home. Been on the road for a little bit over half an hour now. Short journey.
Now onto me. I like this trip because i get to think. Sometimes i get too conscious of my being 'ergo tum'. It's not always a good thing, me reflecting over me, especially now that i've run out of meds and can't afford them for the next week or so. I'm usually too curious in testing the limits of my existence. I have this theory about death. It's really straight forward actually. If you are not scared of dying then you won't die. Sometimes i wonder, is it really that bad? I mean if the other side was so horrible wouldn't somebody have escaped and let out a warning before being dragged back. So yes, i believe in an afterlife. Life in itself is inexplicable, and i know this might be a fallacy, but the existence of life justifies the existence of an afterlife, cogito ergo sum. It is arguable whether all sentient beings continue on after they die but i believe animals also probably have a thereafter.
Anyway i've reached the end of my journey which means this session of write thinking is over.
Keep well my friends.

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