Friday, May 27, 2011

1000 words: Trip to the ladies

There is really nothing wrong with having bodily functions and needs, so I have no idea what all the fuss about not mentioning them. They range from peeing, pooping, sneezing to eating etc. will focus on number 2 and a touch of number 1.

But I have to admit, guys know those two exist on women, but as far as we’re concerned, when women go to the ladies, they go to freshen up. We have often passed near those ladies rooms that haven’t been cleaned up in a while and there’s a bad odor coming from it, well that is because it’s the men’s toilet stinking up the next room. All that exists in a ladies’ toilet is the mirror, where all the freshening up is done; the sink where they may want to wash their hands in case extra make up drips on it (what? Who knows, maybe lipstick melts like chocolate); and the toilet bowl which is only used in those rare occasions where a the lady gets food poisoning or drinks a little bit too much and needs to drain off the extra alcohol through her mouth. So what is the nether region of a woman for? I guess the most important is sitting, copping a feel, and staring at when she doesn’t know you’re checking it out.

Anyway, yesterday I was caught up in a situation involving my bowels. Yes, men have bowels let this not be mistaken as an underhanded implication that women don’t have guts and mine happened to be full again don’t assume that I’m full of crap (dear Lord, stop with the intestine jokes already – Ed). Thing is I’m one of those people who are mentally limited to going number two in only a couple trusted bowls. Took me a few minutes (which seemed like days) to do a mental location of all verified loos within a non-stressful radius around the CBD and I located one.

A few minutes later, of careful walking so as not to have a more obvious embarrassing rapture, i was there and immediately headed to the gents. After a few second of gasping I finally made my way out. It was occupied and in use…hence the sudden loss of breath… that and the smell. When I got in in, this is what I found the previous occupant had left… To make the scene a little bit more serene I took out all the stains and wrapped the turds in neat little gift boxes.

As I walked out dejected and pressed I happened to glance into the ladies toilet and saw this And I got an idea, why not casually stroll in and check it out, purely reconnaissance. And it was magical. The loo was clean and nobody saw me go in so I figured since I was in there and there is no crime against it so why not end the agony. Finally my guts got reprieve. After a while there was movement outside the door, probably somebody adjusting their make-up, though she knocked to check if the loo was occupied. I just assumed that’s why girls go in twos into the loo, and since this one was alone she was just verifying so that she could have company. I knocked back and she stopped. Probably the comfort knowing there is somebody else in there.

I had the urge to cough and I held it down albeit with the greatest difficulty. Have you ever tried to cough like somebody else? Yeah nobody ever has to do that….except me at the time. Eventually I let out a cough and it was…stupid!

Lesson for today: use the toilet correctly! We don’t need that crap! Somebody could die from all the pressure

Ok let me just admit it…I just wanted to show off how well I can work illustrator skills. How would you rate your toilet?

1 comment:

  1. hahahahahaha... gUD Post what happened to the KNOCKING! Lady friend