It has been quite a couple of weeks for me. Emotionally trying, to say the least. My last entry and a couple of facebook updates may have come out hateful and biased against women but I've realized i gotta clear the air.
I love
women, they have soft boobies and some of them have working brain cells. Ok, i
kid. To say the truth I love and respect women. My mom is a lady and i love
her. My sister is also female (like duh) and i love her to bits. Some of the
things many of you have to go through is hard enough to comprehend as a guy and
i respect their(your) resilience. We live in a patriarchal society and
i believe women are short changed and deserve more than they get.
Whenever
I see a man batter a woman i get incensed, to say the least, and i believe
women batterers deserve hard labor and to be punished to the fullest
extent of the law. True, women also beat men, but i think the reason those
stories are more prevalent is the sensationalist nature of a guy actually
getting beat up by a woman. Which adds on to the admirable strength of a woman,
to be able to calmly take all the blows and not say a thing, admirable but in
no way ok.
That put
to rest, I’ll cover the diatribe evident in my previous post. This time a post
written calmly and without bias.
Interpersonal
relationships form the pillar of our human society. The human as a species'
quality of life is determined by the value of the relationships between
individual units, the people, and also with the environment, but that is beyond
the scope of this entry. In within the different social interactions we have
romantic relationships.
A
romantic relationship is the pillar of a couple. This means when two people
decide to be a couple they admit they're emotionally tied to one another. No
relationship can work without at least a lot of liking, and in
some love eventually develops. A relationship works like a set of
cogs. For it to run smoothly the gears need constant oiling(on a side note:
they found oil in Turkana, yaay Kenya, true story!) lest they become
rusty. To say the least there is a high level of trust the parties to a
relationship attach to one another because of the emotional endearment. To
continue with the gears and cogs metaphor, oiling a relationship includes
spending time together, sharing how your day went, telling each other sweet
nothings etc.
Cheating
ruins relationships and destroys trust. It is a generally accepted fact that
men are the most likely to cheat in a relationship. There's a saying that
states a man is only as faithful as his options. What does this mean? It means
that the more women around that are sexually receptive to him, that's how
faithful a man will be. My girlfriend (ex) used to tell me that cheating does
not necessarily involve sleeping with somebody else. It could also
mean sharing emotional experiences, which are supposed to be directed at
your partner, with somebody else. This is why it becomes difficult to have a
best friend of the other gender who is not your partner, since it eventually becomes
difficult to distinguish the feelings for your best friend with those for your
partner. That's why it's easier for single people of different genders to be
best friends, but becomes hard when one or both are in pre-existing
relationships.
From my
personal experience when i got into a relationship i reduced the intensity of
friendliness with my female friends. (According to one of my friends, that is
wrong. But that is a story for later). Male-male friendships
rarely threaten a relationship. Anyway, i reduced the intensity of my
interaction with female friends, some understood, others disappeared
altogether, but i was doing it to give my girlfriend the peace of mind that I’m
unlikely to stray from her no matter the temptation. The hardest thing to give
up was my best friend (female) of years and i made my girlfriend my best
friend. Things were initially hard especially with my mood swings, since i had
untreated bipolar but she stuck through, till i got medicated and I had to give
up the elevated emotions for good. Elevated emotions are AWESOME by the way,
most people (me included) only seek treatment when the depressions become
overwhelming.
Anyway,
where was i, yeah cheating. Men cheat, a lot, as I've witnessed, but
the reasons they do so are covered in that article i wrote last year so no need
to repeat. But reason or not, it's never ok to cheat on your better half, no
matter how badly they piss you off. If a relationship is on its death bed you
can both agree to start seeing other people, and maybe after some time you can
revert to the friendship you had before you decided to get involved.
Anger is
never a reason to cheat. I admit i was pissed off at my girl several times,
sometimes really super pissed, but if there's one thing my momma and
shrink taught me is to never make a decision when I’m angry. My shrink was
categorical, since I’m a writer, i should stop lashing out at people
immediately (i used to do that a lot before the meds, therapy and mind tricks
started to do their thing), i should type out why I’m angry and what i want to
do and when i cooled down enough, read it and see the damage i would have done
had i reacted angrily immediately. And it worked, the relationship lasted for
more than a year and i didn't fuck up with my job(my current boss is not as
understanding as my last one). Ok, i admit the previous article was done in a
fit of anger, but as a rule i never take down
something I've published.
The thing
most women don't realize is there are a few of us out there, men who would do
anything and stand by their women. The reason i don't hit you isn't because i
don't have the strength to do so, it's because i respect women and think
there's something ugly about a submissive woman. The reason i (we) don't cheat
on you is because we choose to give you the security to know there is someone
to safeguard your emotions. There are literally tens of women on social
networks willing to give it up for nothing! When a man tells you he loves you,
and to extend it letting his friends know you're "The One", it takes
nothing short of guts! So women remember, when a guy does things for you, a lot
of things and never complains, it isn't because he's a wimp, it's just that
you're his world.
Anyway,
why do women cheat? Women may cheat when they are disgruntled and want nothing
to do with the relationship they're currently in, but don't have the guts to
admit it to their partner. Or maybe they are disgruntled but are so used to the
security of tenure in the relationship so that they don't want to risk it out
on their own by calling it quits.
Women
also cheat when they suspect or know they're being cheated on. I don't have to
mention the health risks involved in cheating. So instead of confronting the
guy they decide to do it themselves to even out the score. As long as
you are in a relationship it doesn't matter whether the other person
is doing it, it's still cheating. And you're really a fucked up couple and
probably need to have a shrink check out what the fuck is going on in your tiny
tiny minds.
Another
reason women cheat is if they are emotionally or physically attracted to
somebody else. It is understandable to be attracted to somebody who seems
better off than your partner. We are attracted to other people all the time,
but it's called "commitment" for a reason. You chose the person
you're with, but if that isn't enough you always have the option of leaving
your partner amicably and you can pursue the higher interests. Something people
don't realize is sometimes heartbreak can be avoided if you resolve your issues
in a straight forward manner.
Women
also cheat to spite their partner. This is kinda rare, so I’m led to believe.
But a characteristic hard to avoid is that the woman tells the partner
immediately after the deed to make the partner feel the pain. Like i
said before, this is really stupid. After you've cheated this way, what next? A
more than likely scenario is you regret it, since it was probably done in a fit
of anger. As a result you lose out on what would have probably been a lifelong
partnership.
A woman
may also cheat because she wants to advance in life. Assume for a second, that
this couple has financial problems and maybe the woman wants to get up through
the stages in life quickly or get a job. I admit, we all know a lot of women
who've advanced through life by "assuming the position". So she sets
her eyes on somebody who offers her what she wants and goes for it. Even if she
does it once, she will forever, in the eyes of her man, be no different than a
slut. Only difference is she pretends to have class. Whether it's worth it in
the long run or not is up to debate. But you should realize, the guy you slept with to advance your position now owns you! I'm sure you allude yourself that you've attained the independence you wanted, but you are no different than a sex slave. Anytime master wants sex, you have to give it to him else you'll find yourself back where you started. I guess it's a no-brainer which one is better, work towards your goal slowly but surely and be in charge of your fate, or skip stages and always live in the perpetual fear "master" will find a younger better looking slave and leave you out on the street on stage 1. But i guess it all depends on our individual definition of "independence".
Another
reason women cheat is, the sex sucks. Ok, i didn't mention this one on the why
men cheat entry, but it applies for both. When the partners aren't compatible
sexually but get really well emotionally, chances are one of you will stray.
Most likely the partner that knows they've had it better or can have it better.
Still, as i will keep insisting you have the option to call it quits and
SHOULD always use it.
If you're
going to cheat, please make sure you're able to handle the consequences which
more or less results in the loss of the relationship. Friendship is rarely
retrievable in such circumstances. Anyway you had the option of breaking up
amicably and you chose not to use it.
I
believe I've absolved myself of the bias that may have seemed to be
directed at womenfolk in general. Ladies, believe me. the only reason most
people do a 9-5 is to have enough to please you and make you happy. Whether the
ulterior motive is to have sex with as many women as possible, or to be able to
have enough to please their partners, or attract a new partner, the
world runs because of women. And i appreciate that. Now i'll finish with a
quote from Quagmire on family guy(surprising it's him huh?):
A
woman is a strong beautiful vibrant creature; a woman embraces life; a woman
makes choices to make her life better
And with
that i go back to my secluded little world of binary poetry.
Keep well
my friends
:)))
ReplyDeleteI didn't know Ben you are such a good writer. Women are our biggest weaknesses I must confess.
ReplyDeletethose are a whole lot of stupid you,ve used
ReplyDelete